trying to do my best for my gf

[thatguy12]

Hi everyone I'm brand new here. Long story short I've been dating a nursing major for about 6 months now. We have a great thing going and I really care about her. She just started her clinicals and a pretty heavy course load in addition to living in her sorority house. It's only been about 3 weeks into school and I'm pretty worried about her. Not about our relationship but her general health. She has been so busy with recruitment and class work that she gets about 3 hours of sleep a night max. She is constantly working on something. She says she has a hard time focusing. I try to stay out of her hair and respect her schedule but recently I can tell it has taken a toll on her. She constantly feels sick and I just want to make sure she is okay. I just dont see how this level of stress can be sustainable it scares me. Is this normal for a nursing student? What can I do to help? When should I start to worry that she is actually not okay if she is right now? We are about an hour apart at school so I'm just trying to do my best here, so help me help her

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

If that's the life she wants to live, then there's very little you can do to change it other than be supportive and give her the space she needs. With only 3 hours of sleep a night and her coursework mounting, I'd imagine she'll soon have to pick between her sorority responsibilities and her academic coursework. Whichever she chooses will be telling.

Personally, I declined all the extracurriculars that put regular demands on my time while I was in college, including ROTC when it proved unreasonable and posed a threat to my studies. However, that's an individual decision to make, and it make take your girlfriend getting into the thick of things before she realizes she just can't do it all.

[caliotter3]

You know what they say about leading the horse to water. She may have to learn the hard way that running herself into the ground is not going to allow her to reach her goals. The sorority should not even be in her windshield right now, but who is she going to listen to, to tell her that? I can tell you what happened to me when I worked around the clock and went to school full time, commuting two hours each way, while being a single mother, and then I GOT SICK. Guess what? It is a couple of decades since then, and guess what I don't have? And haven't been doing, since then? But do you think telling your GF this is going to get her to change her ways? I suggest you have a discussion with her one time; then let the chips fall where they may. If things blow up in her face, refrain from the "I told you so" admonitions and be ready to pick up the pieces. Good luck, to both of you.

[RunBabyRN]

Most nursing students are sleep-deprived and exhausted. Sororities can be demanding, and a lot of people have a hard time balancing the two.

You're right- this level of stress is not sustainable, and she needs to figure out her time management and stress management, or she WILL burn out. Like SoldierNurse22, I stayed out of all extracurriculars, and I had to quit my job, as they weren't flexible with my schedule. I also have a family, though, so trying to balance all of that kind of stuff in addition to an accelerated program would have been the death of me.

However, I agree with caliotter3- she's not going to listen to anyone, and she will probably have to learn this one the hard way.

If you can, during her breaks (holiday break, spring break, etc), take her somewhere where she can be AWAY for a few days (but still have a few days at home to study for the exam that inevitably looms upon return or whatever assignments will be due). Nursing school is GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO all the time, and it can be hard to stop because you get nervous about trying to get moving again. Just be aware of this if she's hesitant to do anything else.

[PaulBaxter]

Make food for her. Do chores for her. Vacuum. Wash her dishes. Go to the store and buy her groceries.

Don't ask her if she wants you to do these things. Just go ahead and do them. You'll both gain her appreciation and save her a little time in her day. You could buy her flowers too.