I hope I've put this in the right place, but I'm looking for advice/experience from those who have been through the ropes of nursing school/starting out.
I'm at the end of my second semester of nursing school. I go to a really competitive school, it's actually pretty decent in terms of instruction, however the standards are higher than high. The high standards aren't my biggest problem though.
To give some background, I wanted to get into nursing when my father had open heart surgery. He had a roommate who had just had heart surgery as well, he was in his 70's and had just lost his wife in the same week. My heart really went out to the guy. I talked with him a lot. It was that moment when suddenly you're not just sympathizing for someone, you feel empathy, too. I wanted to help people in that way.
I'm a very mellow person, not much grosses me out, I'm pretty competant. I can be pretty tough when I need to be (even though I am a very petite girl) I thought those would be good qualities to make a career for myself.
After a year of nursing school, my father was diagnosed with cancer. I took care of him basically completely alone at that time, I sat up with him for 20 hours of the day and slept 4 hours a night for 3 months.
This year we started clinical rotations. The nursing home was okay. Bed pans, changing linens, bed baths, were all okay, it's not exactly stellar-fun stuff. But I did it and I liked the patients.
This semester... I've only had 3 clinicals in med-surg and I am considering quitting. I can't even put a finger on exactly why. My first day, I had a patient with 25 meds (I had to know everything about said meds off the top of my head after only recieving my assignment the night before), 20 diagnoses (same story as the meds) and it was the first time I had to give both subq and IM injections. I also had to know the new computer system for charting, where to find things, all that jazz. I recieved a poor grade for the day, which was very discouraging considering that I was doing my absolute best with what little experience I had. I didn't struggle with the knowledge, I just wasn't confident in where to find things, how to do the new skills, etc. I thought everyone else was in the same boat with me, but they all recieved good grades for the day. It just made me feel like maybe I rub people the wrong way, or really am incompetant at what I'm doing.
I find myself dreading clinical. I think what got me thinking most about quitting is how relieved I have been this week. It's my spring break and I realized I was ELATED to not have to go to clinical.
I've read/heard so much about nurses burning out, or hating the job once they are in it. I think I read that it was 1 in 5 new grads quit? I just feel as though maybe there is a good reason for that.
The thing is, I don't have the usual gripes about nursing school. I can handle the workload academically speaking. But I would gladly take 5 pharmacology tests over going to clinical.
I love the patients, I love talking to them. I love talking to their family (usually... lol) I can be very gregarious and upbeat with patients. But I am not excited like the other students about giving injections, or passing meds. One of my classmates was talking about how it was exciting to do chest compressions in the ICU when someone coded. The idea of being excited by something like that baffles me. To me, that's something that I need to do and I'll do it, but I will be no means ENJOY IT. Those things are things I HAVE to do, grit my teeth and bear it.
I do love the patients. I am holding out on the hope that maybe things get easier, or that I will get more used to it once I really get going at it. That I'll just suddenly stop dreading it one day. That's the only hope I have right now for sticking through it. I am giving myself to the end of the semester/some CNA work this summer to really decide. But for money/my sanity's sake, I would like to make a decision before the fall semester.
Did anyone here go through this when they were first learning? Just totally and utterly hating stepping foot in a hospital? I just worry that I am throwing money/time/emotional investment into something I am not meant to be happy in.
