Tips on being a parent

labordude, BSN, RN · Dec 24, 2014

First, congratulations on the birth of your son! Second, you may be a nurse, but you are a parent first. Make sure that the entire team knows you and your wife want to be involved in the care planning for your son. This may involve actually telling them or asking to be included in rounds, etc. I get very frustrated when my fellow nurses don't even ask if families want to be involved because you inevitably find out after the fact that they do. Ask a million questions. Write them down and ask them again. Get yourself a little white board to put at the bedside to write down questions that may need answers later so the nurses know and they remember as well. Ask the nurses to teach you how to do many of the things they do for the baby. Get involved with the assessments and feeding and care as soon as possible. If you are uncomfortable with something that is being done to your son or you don't understand what you are being told, tell them to stop. I mean this sincerely, YOU are your son's advocate and to make choices you must have the information. Above all, be active and involved in the care and make sure all the nurses know you want to be active and involved.

DO AS MUCH SKIN TO SKIN AS YOU HAVE TIME FOR! I cannot stress that enough. It's fantastic for your son and for you.

Alex Egan, LPN, EMT-B · Dec 25, 2014

Yea, the advice I have recieved from other parents is to essentially, play dumb and go with the process. My wanting to push things along is likely to just bite me later. I'm not pretending to know everything, but I know a bit. The truth is I'm having quite a time just being a parent. I'm an aggressive nurse and I don't think that's what I need to be right now. Sigh.

NicuGal, MSN, RN · Dec 26, 2014

Congrats on your little one!

My best advice is to be there for rounds every day if you can. If you can't be there for rounds, then call right after to see what the plan is. You can listen to them, they will update you right then and you can ask questions. Remember, your little one still had 8 weeks to be cooking, so be patient. We can't make him do what he isn't ready to do! And don't be aggressive with the staff, it won't make go smoothly and it won't make Baby do things any faster. Patience is the biggest thing right now and you will get frustrated.

Not knowing the nature of the unit you are in, we always have a fellow there and they are more than happy to update families and answer questions when the attendings aren't there. Most of the time the front line are the residents and NNPs and the primary nurses. Find out if baby has a primary and cozy up to them! This is the person to go to and they will be your advocate. I will tell you, there are going to be things you don't like in the process of being a preemie parent, but you have to go with the flow most of the time. Like I said, you can't push these kids because they just won't do it lol Just be there, be daddy, support mom, ask questions and cuddle up with baby. Make sure mom is getting good sleep, food and drinking enough fluids. Bring a book and settle in at the bedside for in between care. And love being a daddy!!!

shermrn · Dec 27, 2014

As a NICU nurse and the parent of a 27 weeker who was in the NICU for 4.5 months I think the advice you've been given is appropriate. If you are unable to be present for rounds daily then ask to have the MD/Resident/NNP (which ever one is running the care of your infant) give you a call each day. Otherwise try to be there as often as you can and show a willingnees to do as much as they'll let you do with your baby. As a nurse I like it when parents are fairly independent in handling their baby, however I prefer they check in with me before doing anything hands on to the baby. While he/she is their kid, I'm still responsible. If the staff know you're a nurse they may find it easier to explain certain things knowing that you have a similar knowledge base or speak the same language. But don't let them just assume you know everything, make sure to ask questions, most of them will understand that you are a parent first and foremost and may even forget you're a nurse. Also if you are not comfortable handling your baby let them know so they can show you some ways to safely handle and interact with your baby. One last thing that will make things between you and the staff go smoothly is to let them know when you plan to visit and how long you plan to stay, when you leave make sure they know it and give a time when you plan to come back. If you want to be present for baby's bath, let them know and they will work it out with you. Also if you plan to come for a feeding, try to be there a half hour to twenty minutes before the scheduled feeding time. Some of us get a bit put off if the baby is to eat at 3:00, and we know mom is coming to breast feed but doesn't show up until right at 3:00 or later, it takes a while to get vital signs and diaper change done before feeding and we usually have at least one other baby who may be waiting to get fed at the same time or shortly after. So my advice is a bit disorganized but I hope it helps. Be present, participate, and communicate. I hope everything goes well with your new baby. Congratulations!

champagnesupeRNova · Jan 1, 2015

Yea, the advice I have recieved from other parents is to essentially, play dumb and go with the process. My wanting to push things along is likely to just bite me later. I'm not pretending to know everything, but I know a bit. The truth is I'm having quite a time just being a parent. I'm an aggressive nurse and I don't think that's what I need to be right now. Sigh.

I wouldn't say "play dumb." You should definitely ask questions and be present. The thing is, with a 32-week preemie, the plan of care is going to be pretty straightforward and routine (as long as there are no other complications). For example, the baby will be getting NG/OG feeds until around 34 weeks gestational age (or sooner if the baby is showing cues) when PO feeds would be initiated. You wouldn't be able to make things go faster because it's your SON that's in charge. He is going to set the pace for the achievement of all the NICU milestones.

We like when parents are involved in the care of their baby. Remember that if your son has a feeding due at 12:00, you should be there by 11:30 if you would like to participate in the assessment (i.e. taking his temperature, diaper change, etc). If you would like to do kangaroo care, make sure you hold the baby for at least an hour, rather than holding for short periods. Provide a low-stimulation environment for the baby. I will confess that one thing parents do that makes me upset is when they are talking loudly on their phones or watching the TV at a loud volume during the visit. The NICU should be a low-stimulation environment in which the baby's development is nurtured and supported. Think of the nurses as partners in your baby's care and use them as resources to find out more about your baby and his plan of care.

I wish you the best and hope your little one can go home soon! :)