1. GRAVITY; Ex: When you are giving a bed bath to a large elderly female lying in bed dont look for scars from a double masectomy, roll her over and retrieve her breasts or from wherever they are.
2. CONTACT PRECAUTIONS; Ex: You will see many nurses go into the room taking no precautions other than the standard ones. However, your clinical instructor WILL make you gown up as if your patient is an alien and you are about to take them back to the spaceship.
3. SHIFT CHANGE REPORT; Ex: Really listen to what the nurse tells you about your patient and look at their chart for past surgeries. You do not want to go into your patients room and do a head to toe assessment and ask a double amputee about the strength in his legs.
4. WE ARE STUPID; Ex: Don't hesitate to ask the nurse, tech, etc. a question because you may look dumb...because we already look dumb....and they were once too.
5. HIPPA; Ex: Yes you will begin to act like you are in a secret society, only trusting your mother.
6. OPPOSITE SEX BATH; Ex: Wash the member last, if he becomes aroused you calmly discontinue and ironically have completed the bath. Seriously, dont keep bathing.
7. CODE BROWN; Ex: Yes, we have all been there and so will you. This is when you will wonder why there are no gloves available that come up to your elbows. Grab a yellow gown off a door of a patient that is on contact precautions and slip the gloves on over the gown cuffs.
8. KNOW YOUR HOLES; Ex: Urethra, lady parts, and orifice. We are all diffrent and the urethra is NOT always above the lady parts. Enough said.
9. PUT IT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT. Ex: When you are done placing a urinary catheter in an uncircumsised male...put the foreskin back where you found it.
10. TAMPONS. Ex: You will be greeted with your monthly hello as soon as you put on your white uniform and are at the hospital. Bring them in your bag and bring some for your clinical group.
