Ok, so maybe it's a little early to say... I have only been on the floor for 6 shifts total. I'm a graduate nurse (will be RN) and I work nights on a medical floor. Actually last night was my first night. I had one day shift and four afternoons.
I feel like an idiot and I will never remember all the things I need to do or be fast enough to get everything done. The LPN does most of the patient care besides assessments and IV push meds. So I hardly even see my patients and honostly don't really have time to anyway. My school had VERY little clinical time and now I'm thrust into this job I feel like I know virtually nothing about. To top it off I am just finishing my first trimester of pregnancy and am tired and absent minded all the time. All I can think is I should have been a teacher or something. At least then this would have been an exciting time... not an extremely stressful/ depressing one. I know there might be an avenue of nursing for me... working in a clinic or teaching or something. But to do that I have to put in my time on a 'med/surg' floor and I am completely miserable. I pretty much cry on the way home every day ( yes I am a tad hormonal). I don't want to be stressed I don't think it's good for the baby and I have read recently how women who work night shift have a higher chance of miscarriage. (http://www.womenfitness.net/news/fertility_pregnancy/sw_night_sift_linked.htm,http://www.kaisernetwork.org/Daily_reports/rep_index.cfm?DR_ID=34239). So I worry about that too. Didn't know I was prego when I interviewed... or that'd it be this hard (and potentially bad for the baby) when I accepted.
Lets face it, I'm not a fast-paced nurse or a future critical care nurse... I'm okay with that. I don't like feeling pressured or behind. How long do I have to spend at this job to do something else? I'm done with orientation at the end of february and I'm trying to stick it out. Everyone says it will get better.. but all I can think is yeah right you probably weren't half the idiot I am. I even have thoughts of leaving the field altogether. But I just started and I worked so hard to get here. I know there's some area I will be happy. Any words of wisdom?
Trouble is so far my colleagues don't seem to understand. I get one half-hour punch out break (and usually feel guilty for taking that) and never really have time for the two paid 15 min breaks I'm supposed to get (even though I'm extra staff). I always feel like I'm dissappointing them. The RN I've been with for the last two days is demanding and rude. Yes the staffing sucks, especially on nights, but its not my job to make up for it. I'm supposed to be learning. So yeah theres that. Some staff are better than others but I totally feel like busting out balling when they bark orders at me and look at me like 'you didn't get that done yet?'
i wish i could sit down & talk with you but listen....just hold on. take care of yourself. talk to a friend, or even your nursing director if you have just finished nursing school you should be very proud of yourself. you have a new life within you, you should be so proud of yourself and happy. take a minute to reflect on your accomplishemnts...you are awesome!! remember what motivated you to go into nursing. no one can get through nursing school without wanting it. now hear this. you are also hormonal. i really don't like to use that as an excuse but you are really hormonal at this time. take that into consideration and don't make any major decisions right now. cry a little:cry:. breath. and then take one day at a time. you'll get there. talk to some other new grads or new employees. i was pregnant during nursing school. not once, but twice! i think i cried more then the rest of my life combined. i actually quit school once...at least once but then went right back after i finished feeling sorry for myself which was always the next day. and you know what? maybe where you are right now isn't the right place for you; it sounds like the staff isn't a s supportive as it could/should be. get what you need from this place then move on. keep looking. there are endless opportunites for us. just hold on a little longer. good luck with your pregnancy, don't give up:heartbeat! let us know how you do, okay? i've been there and i'm pulling for you! :wink2:
Trouble is so far my colleagues don't seem to understand. I get one half-hour punch out break (and usually feel guilty for taking that) and never really have time for the two paid 15 min breaks I'm supposed to get (even though I'm extra staff). I always feel like I'm dissappointing them. The RN I've been with for the last two days is demanding and rude. Yes the staffing sucks, especially on nights, but its not my job to make up for it. I'm supposed to be learning. So yeah theres that. Some staff are better than others but I totally feel like busting out balling when they bark orders at me and look at me like 'you didn't get that done yet?'
Also know that you don't have to take that kind of crap from anybody... it would benefit them greatly in terms of staffing if you actually wanted to stay on their unit and work with them. As it is, I would look for something you are more suited for, if that's how you feel.
it's so comforting to know i'm not alone! believe it or not, i came on here today to write almost the exact same thing i just read by you.
i am a new nurse. i graduated in may but i took the summer off. i started my job in october on a telemetry unit in austin tx. i am in a 5 month orientation program called versant. i still have about 8 weeks left on orientation. needless to say, it's not going as great as i'd hoped. even though i am this far into it, i am always behind even though i try soo hard, and my 'preceptors' who orient me are always saying, "did you do this? you really should have that done already." it's so overwhelming! like i am being followed around by people whose work i am doing, being told how to do it and absolutely every little thing that i did wrong. and i have trouble fighting back for myself because i don't see the point. i don't want to argue. and i am just honestly scared to stand up for myself. i hate confrontation. this goes for the cas too. i can't delegate because i am so freaking nervous. i'm getting so much criticism at such a vulnerable time for somebody just thrust into this new incredibly stressful career. more positive feedback would be so much more beneficial, even if i still had things to work on. i don't need to be told i'm not perfect - i know already! i know what i forgot and yes, i know how important it is!
i just don't think of the things that come so easily to others' minds! the task of organizing so much new information that you just heard for the first time, and memorizing it right away, and thinking critically about it for 12 straight hours... i just don't know if it will ever come to me even though, like you, everybody keeps saying it will come with time. i leave in tears too, at least half the time , as i did this morning after my night shift. this morning they were hysterical tears because i had hope that this shift would be different. i always hope that "this next shift" will be different. i again felt like everybody thought i was an idiot. they were treating me like i just didn't know i should be doing things, when i really just couldn't handle all of it. i will miss something, like checking the results of the third set of cardiac enzymes an hour after they're sent, and then i get told how important it is, and i know how important it is. i just didn't remember with all this other sh*t i was in the middle of! literally! what am i going to do about that? i should remember to do all of the thing on my mental list. but i don't/can't/haven't. should i really be in nursing?
i didn't have time to take any kind of break tonight, or eat or drink anything, which is so bad for the emotions! and you being pregnant it's probably doubly bad! i have never been pregnant but jeeez if i think pms is bad i can only imagine how difficult your hormones are making your life. but yes, i always feel guilty taking a whole 30 minute break, and never get my two 15's..ever. i ask myself, why did i go into this field?! i was on msn one day and there was a link to the list of the most stressful jobs. i'll bet you can guess what the big numero uno was on that list... why-- it was my chosen profession of course! and i think about how i should have gone into some type of english major. that's what i was better at. or maybe marketing, that's what i enjoy. why did i choose something i wasn't any good at? how can you enjoy something you are no good at? i wanted to make a difference, and now i feel i am making the world worse. i am losing my compassion because of ungrateful patients and insensitive coworkers. i hate admitting that!
"everyone says it will get better.. but all i can think is yeah right you probably weren't half the idiot i am. i even have thoughts of leaving the field altogether. but i just started and i worked so hard to get here."
this is how i feel exactly.
i feel like i'm just not smart enough. and i know my confidence is terrible and there's a chance if i just got my confidence to kick in it wouldn't be half bad. but the comments from other nurses who don't seem to have ever been where i am are just so damaging.
last night my preceptor told me, there's no reason why i shouldn't be helping the cas out with their work, and i have no problem with this. in fact, i am doing a lot of it because i am too chicken sh*t to delegate! i empty toilet hats, put patients on the commode, change their gowns, help them eat, clean them up when they are incontinent, all of it whenever it presents itself. she says offer to help them, but i can't do any more than i already am! i am up to my ears in charting that needs to be done, and labs that need to be printed and analyzed, and medications that need to be double checked and rewritten and filed (it's all paper charting where i work). not to be rude!!! but aren't they hired to help me? i'm just drowning. and i feel like i have nobody to talk to because i feel like it's all my fault and i'm such an idiot. every time i try to tell someone, i feel good for like, 2 minutes. then i know they see me floundering and i feel worse.
so i don't want to make this painfully long but i just wanted to say hey- i feel what you're going through. maybe we can make it through together, knowing there is somebody else out there feeling just as bad and having just as hard of a time. i know that we have to be nicer to ourselves. i'm working on that. i don't want to give up. i want those people to be right when they say it will get better. how could it not, i suppose? but it's really tough right now. anyway i don't want to try and give advice, i just wanted to send some heart your way. :)
So my stupid hospital has a policy that you need to wait 3 months to apply for a different shift in your department and 12 months to apply for another department. That makes no sense whatsoever. A person off the street can apply for any job but an employee can't? I am at the end of my rope.
Everyone's saying to get lots of rest and treat myself well... but I can't sleep more than 2 or 3 hours after getting home from night shift, and eating well/ staying hydrated is just damn near impossible while I'm on the job. I guess I just have to stick it out for now and I was looking for an easier way out. I will be down to 48 hours every two weeks at the beginning of March. About not taking my boards right away... I really don't have a choice if I want to keep this job, and if I quit I'm afraid I'll never get hired there again. This hospital is the big employer in this town... the Dr.'s offices are affiliated and everything. At least in 2 more months I can post for another shift. But I still have 10 months before I can post for another department. (why did I jump the gun and take this godforsaken job?)
Thanks to the above poster... so glad to have someone relate. I definitley can relate about second guessing your career choice. I have an anxiety disorder and panic attacks... why did I want to go into the most stressful job in the world? Why couldn't I just have become a teacher like I was originally going to? If I had done that I'm sure right now would be an exciting time, not the worst time of my life. And I'm sure I'd have been good at it. I'd even consider going back to school, but we need me to work, I need to save up for this baby. I obviously am in no position to give advice to the above poster either, but hang in there! I really appreciate you relating to me. It's good to hear I'm not the only one.
First Congrats! Second, take the time to care for yourself and your growing baby. If your not ready to take your boards, then don't! How will you ever get to enjoy your pregnancy with all of this stress? I feel your anguish from your post. Do whatever you have to right now. If nights are too much, find something else, if at all possible. I've read many posts where it seems more the norm to go home crying everyday from work as a new nurse. Coupled with your pregnancy as well! Boy, its gotta hurt.
My children are now 8 & 12. I fondly remember my pregancies. Try to enjoy being pregnant, time goes by so fast. Please keep us posted.
Things are looking up now at least. I've now had a full week of nights down on our Oncology unit.. which got me comfortable with primary nursing for five patients (meaning I am the only nurse for 5 patients) This week I am on the medical unit (still orienting) and I am team nursing for 12 patients. (meaning I have an LPN to give all meds but IV pushes and take vitals and blood sugars) we even have a care aide this week. Last night was my first night actually assessing and charting on all 12 patients and it went okay. Okay is enough to give me hope! I think the reason I was able to get it all done is because my patients were pretty easy last night. The nurse I was with says I'm doing good (but I keep thinking she's saying that to be nice.) Everyone admits that it's difficult with 12 patients.. you don't have time to get everything done and know everything about every patient which is frustrating. I much prefer primary nursing and I hope to get a position on oncology at some point. (after the pregnancy). Thanks for all your encouragement it really helped me through that rough time. I still feel like I suck at this job, but I have a little glimmer of hope.
Dani, I feel for you girl. I was in your shoes in August-October of last year. And I wasn't pregnant OR hormonal (ok, maybe a little hormonal...). I felt exactly the same way you describe - anxious, felt like I didn't know anything and couldn't keep up, overwhelmed, etc. Then I went on nights and stopped sleeping and it all went to hell in a handbasket. I ended up quitting though because it was too much for me. I DON'T RECOMMEND THAT. I have been unemployed ever since, besides doing flu-shot clinics and working a clinic PRN (VERY PRN - almost never). It is the worst possible time to be looking for a job now - ANY job. So I really recommend you stick with it and do the best you can. It will be really, really tough, but it IS doable. Just try to keep telling yourself that it WILL get better (and it will) - you WILL get the hang of it more every day - and once you have 6-12 months of med-surg, you can pretty much write your own ticket. Almost every job I've applied for requires at least 1 year of med-surg, but they say they will accept a nurse with as little as 6 months. But I only had 3 months (and it was OB) so I'm pretty much qualified for nothing. It's been a very tough road.
Listen, if you can get through this, you can get through ANYTHING! Once it's over and it's all water under the bridge, you can be soooo proud of yourself for seeing it through. Med-surg sucks (I think so anyway) but it's great experience!
I began nursing in the ICU as a new grad, and found out I was prego about 2 weeks into my internship. Your feelings are completely normal! You will be forgetful, you will be tired, you will throw up at work, and you will cry. You have a lot on your plate. You will appreciate being a nurse after the baby is born though. You have so many options as to the shifts you work etc. that allow you to maximize your time with your family. I remind myself of that when
i am having a bad shift. Plus, there are so many career options within nursing that you should research whats out there before you totally give up. Congratz and good luck! It will all work out. :)
The LPN does most of the patient care besides assessments and IV push meds. So I hardly even see my patients and honostly don't really have time to anyway. My school had VERY little clinical time and now I'm thrust into this job I feel like I know virtually nothing about. To top it off I am just finishing my first trimester of pregnancy and am tired and absent minded all the time. All I can think is I should have been a teacher or something. At least then this would have been an exciting time... not an extremely stressful/ depressing one. I know there might be an avenue of nursing for me... working in a clinic or teaching or something. But to do that I have to put in my time on a 'med/surg' floor and I am completely miserable. I pretty much cry on the way home every day ( yes I am a tad hormonal). I don't want to be stressed I don't think it's good for the baby and I have read recently how women who work night shift have a higher chance of miscarriage. (
.thumb.jpg.421493329dd1f136a4222fe8e9399213.jpg){kind=small}
nursedani08
25 Posts
Trouble is so far my colleagues don't seem to understand. I get one half-hour punch out break (and usually feel guilty for taking that) and never really have time for the two paid 15 min breaks I'm supposed to get (even though I'm extra staff). I always feel like I'm dissappointing them. The RN I've been with for the last two days is demanding and rude. Yes the staffing sucks, especially on nights, but its not my job to make up for it. I'm supposed to be learning. So yeah theres that. Some staff are better than others but I totally feel like busting out balling when they bark orders at me and look at me like 'you didn't get that done yet?'