Tell me about your nurse manager

[Ra3liana]

I've been working in my unit (oncology) for nearly seven years. Got my oncology nurse certification and is hoping to stay in this specialty for as long as I could. However, lately I've became increasingly frustrated with my manager. I dreaded to go to work because of her.

A lot of nurses that were more senior than me had left which pushed me up to the second most senior nurse in the unit this year. My manager still treated me like a new nurse.

She graduated from Yale and had been an ICU, CTICU, PICU nurse which she likes to brag about and would constantly put me down just to show how knowledgeable she is. She would come up to me to ask question after question about my patient until I could not answer, and then she would take that opportunity to "educate me". She also likes to pick on me during social rounds when all doctors nurses and case management team are there.

When we are short staffed and busy she would just walk pass by without saying a word. But when we are fully staffed and having a good day she would pretend to care, "how's your district? Do you need anything ?" ..... So fake.

She also likes to roll her eyes or cut me short when I tried to speak to her. I feel very discouraged to talk to you.

One time she threw away my unfinished water bottle into the garbage can right in front of me without saying a word. When I told her that the water bottle was mine she answered "I knew. I just can't standing see it there." I think it's extremely disrespectful of her to do that. Almost all of my coworkers bring some sort of water bottle or coffee cup to drink at the nursing station. She tolerated that but not mine.

She has favoritism to certain nurses and would talk to them in a much nicer tone of voice and would actually allow them to finish what they have to say. Most of these nurses are outspoken white nurses with good sense of humor that make her laugh alot.

I'm a shy and quiet asian nurse but I really work so hard, I don't bully others and I don't complain as much as my colleagues do. I don't know why my manager seems to dislike me. Its bothering me so much that I want to leave this unit just to avoid her. She made me feel like I'm never enough to be a good nurse. I love the nurses that I work with though and my passion is in oncology which make it hard for me to just transfer to a different unit.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation? Or do u have similar experience that you would like to share ?

[Par1, LPN]

I agree with others - try to have a conversation with her, but in the end what she is doing is harassment/bullying.  I had a manager similar to this and when I confronted her manager nothing happened.  I finally sent a letter to HR and again, nothing happened.  Then a year or so later, the manager left, and we were left with an LPN who was horrible and we needed to terminate her.  It became a huge investigation by the HR department who wanted to talk to everyone in the unit.  I told them my story and how nothing happened, yet this woman was arousing the army!  The gal I spoke with was surprised and took this to the head of the department who made apologies to me.  I toughed it out because I am almost to retirement and have a great position. 

[Lust4life, BSN]

On 10/1/2017 at 11:00 PM, Ra3liana said:

I've been working in my unit (oncology) for nearly seven years. Got my oncology nurse certification and is hoping to stay in this specialty for as long as I could. However, lately I've became increasingly frustrated with my manager. I dreaded to go to work because of her.

A lot of nurses that were more senior than me had left which pushed me up to the second most senior nurse in the unit this year. My manager still treated me like a new nurse.

She graduated from Yale and had been an ICU, CTICU, PICU nurse which she likes to brag about and would constantly put me down just to show how knowledgeable she is. She would come up to me to ask question after question about my patient until I could not answer, and then she would take that opportunity to "educate me". She also likes to pick on me during social rounds when all doctors nurses and case management team are there.

When we are short staffed and busy she would just walk pass by without saying a word. But when we are fully staffed and having a good day she would pretend to care, "how's your district? Do you need anything ?" ..... So fake.

She also likes to roll her eyes or cut me short when I tried to speak to her. I feel very discouraged to talk to you.

One time she threw away my unfinished water bottle into the garbage can right in front of me without saying a word. When I told her that the water bottle was mine she answered "I knew. I just can't standing see it there." I think it's extremely disrespectful of her to do that. Almost all of my coworkers bring some sort of water bottle or coffee cup to drink at the nursing station. She tolerated that but not mine.

She has favoritism to certain nurses and would talk to them in a much nicer tone of voice and would actually allow them to finish what they have to say. Most of these nurses are outspoken white nurses with good sense of humor that make her laugh alot.

I'm a shy and quiet asian nurse but I really work so hard, I don't bully others and I don't complain as much as my colleagues do. I don't know why my manager seems to dislike me. It's bothering me so much that I want to leave this unit just to avoid her. She made me feel like I'm never enough to be a good nurse. I love the nurses that I work with though and my passion is in oncology which make it hard for me to just transfer to a different unit.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation? Or do u have similar experience that you would like to share ?

Yes! I am not Asian, but I too was shy, quiet, and it took me about a year before I started to develop a backbone and enough confidence in myself to get the nurse bullies steering clear of me. ...which is normal. 

Let's skip the stereotypical BS. I worked with many amazing Asian nurses who were confident enough to boldly assert themselves when warranted, and even when not so warranted LOL. 

But more so, I worked with bullies. Professional bullies. It comes from inside of themselves. They feel something lacking in themselves and see something in you that makes them feel inadequate. Who knows...maybe from childhood core wounds LOL. But that's not our business LOL. 

You are an Oncology certified Registered Nurse with at least 8 years of experience under your belt. Don't become complacent to the point you are tolerant of BS. I suggest you start looking at your internal job board and apply for a supervisor position or managerial on another unit. Technically, you could probably take her job LOL. No joke, especially if they could pay you a little less than her and have her retire. I'm sure she's aware. 

There's a lot of money to be made traveling within your state, especially with an oncology specialty.

Don't sell yourself short because she does. Tell her to kiss your orifice and move up the ladder. She sounds bored and with too much time on her hands....give her some work to help keep her busy, and relevant....after all she knows it ALL, right? I bet HR would agree that she could use some Diversity and Inclusion CEs !?! ?

What other people think of us is none of our business! What do you, think of you?

The loudest one in the room is always the weakest. (I forget which movie I got that one from but it is SO true)!!