Swing shift hours, day shift spouse

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Specializes in Forensic Psychiatric Nursing.

I've been asking/telling my girlfriend to let me sleep in. I don't get home from work until 0115, sometimes 0130, sometimes 0200 depending on how the night went. It takes me an hour or two to wind down once I get home, so that's when I go to sleep. Mostly I get to sleep by 0300 or 0330 at the latest.

She wakes me up to say she's going off to work around 0800-0900. That leaves me with six hours of sleep at best, but many times it's five hours... but sometimes it's 4-4.5 hours. I just can't function on that amount of sleep.

I do psych and get floated to the maximum security unit once in a while. Sometimes I get floated to the sex offender unit where the administration in their infinite wisdom put an 18 year old boy in with a bunch of child rapists. They literally have their hands on this boy every single day I'm on that unit. I have to be on my toes. There have been two suicide attempts that were THIS CLOSE to completion on my unit in the last two months along with one strong suicidal gesture.

We have fights. We have challengers stepping up to the plate regularly. We have a med giver with the shakes whose documentation sucks and who is on the bubble in a big way.

This is also my first year of service.

I NEED TO SLEEP UNTIL I AM DONE SLEEPING

I DON'T CARE IF "NORMAL PEOPLE" ARE UP BY NINE

We have had this discussion several times, to the point that she laughs at me about needing my sleep. She defends her "right" to kiss me in the morning before she leaves for work. I have told her she needs to back off and let me get a full night's sleep.

Tonight I was mad as hell. This was my third consecutive day with less than six hours of sleep. I was leaning against the wall in the hallway, guzzling coffee all day, slapping myself in the face to stay awake. I had to walk off the unit and stand in the cold wind outside to wake up. That's the thing about psych. It can be boring from time to time, and there may not be a dozen tasks to use to stay busy and alert. Sometimes you just have to walk the hallways in the dark and look in at-risk pt rooms to see if you see anything.

I just don't seem to be able to make an impact on my girlfriend. She just doesn't see it my way. She thinks I should come home and immediately go to bed, and wake up at 0900 to start my day. If she has to be at work by 0900, would she like to be woken up at 0400? Hey, it's only FIVE ******** HOURS before you have to be at work and I know you only got four hours of sleep, but you should be happy to be kissed lovingly awake at that insane hour, right?

So she cried tonight that I could be such an insensitive jerk. "If I didn't wake you up, the garbage truck shows up or something else would wake you up. How could we have a baby?"

I have to be on the road on the way to work by noon to get to work on time. I want to sleep until 11AM. Frankly, I wish her attitude was a little different. Why can't she be my lioness and guard my sleep jealously so I can go do my 10 hours and the 2.5 hour commute to the best of my ability? Why can't she make sure the windows are closed before she leaves in the morning?

How many times did I get up at 0400 or 0500 and get dressed in the dark with a little tiny flashlight clenched in my teeth so I didn't wake her up? No, I'm not "sneaking around." I'm "letting you sleep." This is called "being considerate."

Today was my third day on less than six hours. How am I supposed to watch the kid who had a failed suicide attempt last month and just got started on SSRIs again? His risk for suicide is through the roof, and I'm guzzling pots of coffee to keep from sleeping in the nurses' station.

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Specializes in CCU,ICU,ER retired.

Do what I did to everyone that woke me up at noon (I worked 11-7) I woke up every one at 2-3 in the morning to just chat. I know it sounds harsh, but everyone let me sleep. Let her go to work on a few hours of sleep. Wake her up every night when you go to bed just to talk and unwind.

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Specializes in LTC, SNF, PSYCH, MEDSURG, MR/DD.

you should start waking her up about 2am, and dont let her go back to sleep. talk, snuggle whatever it takes. after a week of that she should get the idea.

it worked for me.

:madface:

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I was a firefighter/EMT in a busy urban center before becoming a nurse. So believe me, I understand what you're going through.

I'd come off of a busy 24-hour shift at 7am, having only gotten 1 or 2 hours of sleep. I'd be home by 8am and want to sleep through the afternoon. She just couldn't seem to get her head around that fact.

I like Dalzac's idea, hopefully she'll get the hint. Ultimately though, if she can't support you on something as simple as letting you sleep when she leaves in the morning, it spells trouble for the future.

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Specializes in Ortho, Neuro, Detox, Tele.

exactly, she doesn't get how difficult it is to function...I would suggest waking her up when you get home and talking, doing something, saying "I just wanted to kiss you when I got home." if she starts in with that garbage truck malarky...say "well, the cops would wake u up with their sirens right about now." let her see how functioning on little sleep goes for her....however, if she keeps moaning and groaning...she may just be a princess, my friend. Does not bode well for the future. My fiance thankfully understands...I try hard not to sleep too late when I come home if I'm off the next night....but it's rough. you have a hard job....tell her to take it seriously or you're done.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

Maybe there's a larger issue here.....

Why can't your girlfriend respect your desire to set your own limits (for sleep or otherwise)? Not only is she not respecting your boundaries, but she's saying that her desire to kiss you good-bye outweighs your need for sleep. She's no more entitled to dictate your hours of sleep than you are entitled to dictate hers.

Personally, I wouldn't resort to waking her up mid-sleep cycle. If she isn't listening to you now, that would likely not have much impact except to make her really really angry.

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I agree with you roser13.

There is a basic functionality problem within the relationship when one partner cannot allow another partner to get reasonable amount of sleep in order to fulfill needed duties (like making money). Of course the information is very limited that we have been given, so any advice I would give should be taken with a grain of salt, but she appears to be self absorbed and has an immature concept of love that is based on getting her needs met.

I also do not agree with "playing that game with her and see how she likes it" routine. That is something you do with children not between two adults. It can become a battle of wills that just makes both parties look like petty little playground kids. If she is that immature, the answer is simple, get rid of her. Real relationships are for grownups.

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Specializes in NICU.

Yeah...it seems like you've got bigger issues here. She sounds pretty immature.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Agree with the maturity diagnosis. Needing to kiss you in the morning is ridiculous! She needs to grow up....I wouldn't be planning a baby with her if I was you! You'll be the only one to take care of it!

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Specializes in Cath Lab, OR, CPHN/SN, ER.
I was a firefighter/EMT in a busy urban center before becoming a nurse. So believe me, I understand what you're going through.

I'd come off of a busy 24-hour shift at 7am, having only gotten 1 or 2 hours of sleep. I'd be home by 8am and want to sleep through the afternoon. She just couldn't seem to get her head around that fact.

I like Dalzac's idea, hopefully she'll get the hint. Ultimately though, if she can't support you on something as simple as letting you sleep when she leaves in the morning, it spells trouble for the future.

Maybe there's a larger issue here.....

Why can't your girlfriend respect your desire to set your own limits (for sleep or otherwise)? Not only is she not respecting your boundaries, but she's saying that her desire to kiss you good-bye outweighs your need for sleep. She's no more entitled to dictate your hours of sleep than you are entitled to dictate hers.

Personally, I wouldn't resort to waking her up mid-sleep cycle. If she isn't listening to you now, that would likely not have much impact except to make her really really angry.

I agree! I'd also start waking her up at 2-3 am. Maybe she just needs a reality check.

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Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

Just out of curiosity... are we talking about a real quick kiss and go - the type that you could roll back over and fall asleep? Or does she expect you to get up and have coffee with her and plan dinner. Honestly, either way, she should just let you sleep, just asking for discussion's sake.

I have to agree that if she can't wrap her head around simple, basic boundaries, such as letting you sleep your full eight after work, then she really needs a reality check. Sure -it stinks to be on two separate shifts and feel like ships passing in the night - but affection can be shared by nice little gestures during that time. Maybe instead of a kiss, she can leave you a quick love note next to your morning paper.

It may be time to really evaluate your relationship and wonder if this is the type of one-sided behavior that you will want to be with long term... it rarely gets better.

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Specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

It sounds like it's a little beyond immaturity on her part, and into the realm of "lack of respect." I am totally with you on the sleep issue -- I need mine, seriously.

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