Struggling with grief

[Nursekim82]

Hi...I'm a baby hospice nurse (I've only been doing it a little over a year,) and although certainly there are aspects to hospice nursing I love with all my heart, sometimes, dealing with the grief and trauma of certain deaths seems to take a toll on me. Sometimes I can't sleep for days. You get to know people and their families very well sometimes, and when certain people pass...it really hurts.

I was drinking a lot to "drown my sorrows," but I'm realizing that obviously that is not the healthiest solution to dealing with the stress of hospice nursing. I want to make a career out of healthcare and I don't want to end up an addict in the meantime.

Family and friends, although they mean well, can't or won't talk with me about some of the things I see..I have no one to vent to! Lots of people tell me "I don't want to talk about your job...it's too much for me.." I get that, hospice is very heavy emotional work.

So how do the rest of you deal with the heavy emotional stress that comes along with hospice nursing? Who do you vent to? Are there support groups, online or in the real world, just for this sort of thing? I know there are grief support groups, but it doesn't seem appropriate for a hospice nurse to go to those.

[Kittypower123, BSN, RN]

I'm so sorry you're struggling with grief. It does come with the territory, as much as we try to be professional and have boundaries, some of our patients just get to us. Your hospice company should have chaplains, they can help you too. They're there for the staff as well as the families. Also, there is probably a bereavement coordinator who may be able to help. The chaplain or bereavement coordinator can help you talk through what you're feeling as you deal with the grief. If that's not enough, seek out a professional therapist. I have had a few patients that I cried over when they died. Thankfully, I can talk to the chaplains at work. I also have a wonderful husband who will hold me and let me cry it out. I hope and pray you find the right person to help you through your grief.

[Nashvillejeanne]

I found journaling helped. Start an online blog...maybe reaching out to others may help. Somehow putting in writing always helped me.

[coffeetalker]

There is a reason why a lot of nurses who do hospice only do it for a year or two. (I've been doing it for 8 or 9) - my pseudo mantra has become " these good folks are going to die- there is nothing that is going to prevent them from dying. My job is to make this a good death and help these patients and their families get as many good times as they can before that happens." Make use of your team- chaplains, SWs. Remember your boundaries.

[TammyG]

Most hospices have some type of bereavemeant meetings weekly or monthly, though some are better than others in this. Plus, you are able to receive counseling from the hospice social workers, if you feel comfortable doing that. Part of their job is to support the staff.

If you are drinking to cope with the job, you definitely need to find another job right away. There are many areas of nursing that deal with happy patients. I always thought orthopedics was good, for that reason, since most of those people get better. Or postpartum.

No job is worth drinking over, ever.

hospice is not for everyone. A good death makes me very euphoric. I never felt grief. Sadness, yes, but never agree hospice is not for everyone. A good death makes me very euphoric. I never felt grief. Sadness, yes, but never grief.