Starting another program, kids or school,help?

[Spode]

I began an anesthesia program in 2005 and had to withdraw after a horrific divorce. I completed 4 semesters and had a great GPA and clinical skills.

Since withdrawing , I have relocated to another state and got married. I was accepted to another program and ended up giving up my spot when I learned I was pregnant with twins. They are now 22 months old and I really want to go back to school. I loved the pofession and cannot see myself continuing on as a nurse in any other field.

I have enormous student loan debt and zero family support regarding child care now and for if/when I am lucky enough to get into another program.

I need to retake the GRE since my scores are more than 5 years old and I am "updating my ICU experience" for the program to which I intend to apply. This ICU job is costing me just about all of my paycheck just to cover my childcare.

I plan on getting a live in au pair/ nanny so I can get through the program. I am wondering if I should wait until my children are older and in school to return to graduate school. I think about the profession and miss it daily. I know it will be best for my family in the long run for me to do this, I jut do not know if I should apply for next year or wait until my children are older My husband works 6 days a week/ 12 hours/day. He has no idea what this will entail and I do not expect any understanding/support from him. He is wonderful, just uneducated and will not understand why I cannot be supermom and go to school. I know everyone here is extremel busy but I have worried myslef to death over this and I have no one to talk to who can give me constructive/useful advice.

Please, anyone who can offer suggestions or who have had a similar experience, please share.

[calledtodo]

Go for it now, see if you can go parttime, don't feel guilty about what you can't do, do it now while you feel like it, most importantly believe in yourself.