Last semester, I studied my brains out in Fundementals & got a B. In Med Surg I, continued studied the same way, but with a much lower B. Med Surg, I took a different way of doing things, instead of studying hours upon hours, I just read the chapters 2x's & studied may 3 hrs. the night before and there was a 4 point difference. Instead of making 84 - 85's I was making 82, 80's.
Well, I planned on getting a high B this semester in Med Surg II. We had to learn 8 chapters in 4 days all regarding the heart, 168 pages long. I studied 18 hours for this test & really thought I knew it. I only got a 75 - barely a C. Some of the stuff, I did get mixed up, others, were narrowed down to 2 answers.
My dad has atrial fib & I felt that it was my duty, more than ever, to get a REALLY good grade on this one, to know my stuff. And I thought I had a pretty good basic on it. Only to be disappointed.
It is in my heart to be a nurse. I want to help the elderly & make a difference. But, I don't think my heart is going to be enough, it is my brain & common sense that needs to be enough. There was a girl in our class who was "SPOT ON" in her clinicals, great w/ patients & fellow students, but she didn't pass the book-side of it, she was dropped. To me it was not right. I do half-a-- jobs assessing patients. I do not know if what I am hearing is the correct lung/heart sounds, I don't know if I am using the right words to describe what I see or if that is actually what I see, I can't always find someone's pulse or hear their blood pressure, or I can't calculate the number on the meter right - for I am too worried about listening for it & get so worked up when I hear it, that my brain is not functioning to read it right. I do not remember to do ALL the locations for lung sounds & I do not remember things that I learned last semester - it is slipping away from me. I get nervous when giving bed-baths & fumble when making beds w/ pt's in it. I am not sure about the correct calculations of intake & output. I AM NOT WEAR I THINK I SHOULD BE!!! But that other girl did all those things. She was great!!!!
I thought we would shadow a nurse. I learn by seeing it done in front of me. NOT ON A DUMBY BUT ON A LIVING/BREATHING/POOHING/COUGHING/EATING patient. I wanted to be able to do an assessment w/ a nurse behind me. Tell her what I found, her do the same assessment & tell me what I did wrong or missed. When I asked my instructor if I could volunteer on a day when we didn't have clinicals & told her why I wanted to, she said she didn't think it would be a good idea. BECAUSE, it is THEIR job to do that. But the problem is, THEY DON"T HAVE THE TIME.
So what do I do? I feel like I should quit. As a nurse, I am responsible for peoples LIVES & should be able to know for things that could go wrong & such. Why is it that I am putting in the time & getting NO results. I do not want to be a mediocre nurse, the patient's don't deserve that. They deserve a good nurse, like the girl in my class. See, she was really strong in 1 area, where I am not strong in either & 1/2 a-- in both.
My husband doesn't understand, nor do my parents. They say I am in school to learn & that is what I am doing, I am learning. But am I?
Hang in there! I was feeling just like you last year. It is so different now. Your confidence builds with practice. And every nurse tells me you really only perfect your skills when you've graduated and are in real practice. My future employer of the unit I'll be working in at a major teaching university told me she doesn't expect a new grad to know everything-she expects new grads to come with the basic foundation and theory of nursing care. After I heard that, I relaxed in clinical and my confidence grew because I wasn't in such a panic state about what I was hearing or not hearing. Remember, it is very difficult to learn in a high state of anxiety. You'll be fine-seek out the advice of a recently graduated nurse for mentoring-that's where you get the real scoop on what nursing is like! Good luck!
i just thought i'dd add something i heard a few years ago that kind of makes you see things differently:
"half of all doctors graduated in the bottom half of their class!"
(this isn't to say they were bad students, but out of the ones who survived and are doctors now, there were probably a lot of people who did better than they did and there was probably stuff they didn't understand!)
I'm not in the nursing program yet I am still finishing my pre reqs but I do understand where you are coming from I worked my butt off for Bio/Chem class and was 6/10 of a point from a B I was sooo upset but it's ok I passed and that's what matters.
"What's the difference between a RN who graduated at the top of their class and an RN who barely passed"? NOTHING they are both RN's
jenn, reading your post made me feel like I was reading my own story. You're not at all alone in feeling this way. Let's hang in there, though, ok? Good luck!
I felt like I was reading my life story when I read your post. I felt the exact same way and still do sometimes, I got a low score on my drug calculation test this semester and cryed for like 3 days wondering why in the he-- I wanted to be a nurse anyway. It sounds like you may be like me in that my self esteem has never been all that great and it really tears me apart when I cant perform as expected.
The fact that your second guessing yourself all the time, proves to me what a great nurse you will be! I know plenty of nursing students that think they know all when in reality they suck and I would'nt let them nurse my dog.
I'm not going to tell you that things are going to get easier because I'm personally still waiting for that part myself (I graduate this summer) but I do believe from the bottom of my heart that this is what God wants me to do, and so far he has gotten me through it, so I guess all we can do is just keep plugging away and hope the lightbulb comes on one day for us.
Oh I forgot the best part Jen, my class is divided into 3 groups/ 12 students a piece well they did not have a clinical instuctor for my group so lo and behold I find out the day before clinicals start that my nurse manager of the unit I work as a PCT will be supervising us!!!! How horrible is that? I work nightshift for a reason if you get my drift? So now I get to see her 10 hours a day 2 days a week till April. YEAH!!!!
I do half-a-- jobs assessing patients. I do not know if what I am hearing is the correct lung/heart sounds, I don't know if I am using the right words to describe what I see or if that is actually what I see, I can't always find someone's pulse or hear their blood pressure, or I can't calculate the number on the meter right - for I am too worried about listening for it & get so worked up when I hear it, that my brain is not functioning to read it right. I do not remember to do ALL the locations for lung sounds & I do not remember things that I learned last semester - it is slipping away from me. I get nervous when giving bed-baths & fumble when making beds w/ pt's in it. I am not sure about the correct calculations of intake & output. I AM NOT WEAR I THINK I SHOULD BE!!! But that other girl did all those things. She was great!!!!
Thelto
16 Posts
Hang in there! I was feeling just like you last year. It is so different now. Your confidence builds with practice. And every nurse tells me you really only perfect your skills when you've graduated and are in real practice. My future employer of the unit I'll be working in at a major teaching university told me she doesn't expect a new grad to know everything-she expects new grads to come with the basic foundation and theory of nursing care. After I heard that, I relaxed in clinical and my confidence grew because I wasn't in such a panic state about what I was hearing or not hearing. Remember, it is very difficult to learn in a high state of anxiety. You'll be fine-seek out the advice of a recently graduated nurse for mentoring-that's where you get the real scoop on what nursing is like! Good luck!