Should i stay or should i go?

[Lou7]

So I've been a nurse for 9 months now, working on a renal ward. I've struggled with issues of stress and not coping on the ward. I can't just leave my work at work, I come home and im panicking about everything that I haven't and have done. I feel emotionally exhausted on my days off that I don't feel like doing any of the things I used to enjoy. I am usually a really happy and positive person, but since doing my nursing I feel I have become sad and depressed. Ive been off work before for stress and I had CBT, I went back to work and the same issues crept up on me.

Im now in the same position I was then, wondering if I have gone into the right career. My reasons for becoming a nurse: e.g. to make a difference, to be in a position where I could make sure patients get great care, to further my professional development from being a healthcare assistant. But I feel nursing comes with so many drawbacks e.g. spending the majority of your time doing documentation, medications and written assessments. I have no time to give personal care to my patients which means I am heavily reliant on the healthcare staff. I have no time to spend getting to know my patients, or listen to their worries. I am constantly panicking I will make a mistake. I am an anxious person, with low self esteem issues and working on this ward has made things worse.

I wonder if any other areas of nursing would be different compared to a ward setting. I have been applying for practice nursing positions, however have had no luck. I don't have the experience they are looking for. But how do I start off in that career if no one will take me to train me. I don't know how to persuade employers to give me a chance.

I have spent many an evening crying my eyes out to my parents and my partner about how stressed I am and how I wish I could have a job where I could leave work and look forward to being with my family, spending my time doing things I enjoy...things I used to enjoy.

I'm at a point where I am considering leaving nursing altogether. But nursing is all I know, its all ive ever done. I was a carer in a care home (bad experience) then in a hospital, and now a nurse. I cant think of anything else I could do.

Has anyone got any advice? Im so unbelievably stuck!

xxx

[Farawyn]

You aren't stuck. You just feel stuck, if that makes any sense.

What can't you leave at work?

Have you been this stressed with other jobs? You mention stressed, but has it been this bad?

The documentation and dry work IS part of nursing. That is not going to change.

How is your support at work?

[ixchel]

OP, your first year is hell. It was for me, too. It does get easier, I promise. For me, after the crying, the frustration, the constant exhaustion, the disengagement from life in general, I asked my NP for antidepressants. I'm so glad I did, too.

But even so, as I got used to certain diagnoses, I got quicker at learning typical histories and presentations. The quicker I got at knowing what to expect, the more time I found myself having to spend with the patients. I also timed assessments with ADLs, with the tech/assistant on with me. It gave me the ability to BE with the patient.

You'll find your rhythm. You'll learn when you can cluster things. (For instance, is the world going to end if I give 1000 meds at 1100 with their 1200s? Usually, no.) You'll trust yourself more to not miss things.

I'm only about 7 months in further than you, and I KNOW this will be better for you, because it is for me, and every other first year nurse who has come in with a similar lament. Go read through the "first year after licensing" forum. You'll be in excellent company!