Just apply for another job and leave now, why waste your and the practices time if you know it's not going to work out in the end (the schedule will always be a M-F 9-5 gig)
So I graduated NP school this spring. Started applying for NP jobs right away cus basically my family needed me to be on a full time salary again (I'd been a PRN RN for the last 9 months). I got a couple of offers, and was hired with neurosurgery within a month of graduating. I started in July and passed both my FNP and AGACNP boards over the summer. Its a small practice and they're super nice. I'm happy with my salary, my education allowance, and they're super flexible and understanding that I'm a new grad. I'm supposed to start taking patients in clinic myself, they've already filled me in for the call schedule in the upcoming months, and we're working on getting my privileges for multiple hospitals. Its monday to friday, 9 - 5, unless I come in at 7 for a case or something. They also paid for my DEA, state licensure, education, professional memberships, etc. I even get my own cell phone and laptop for work! I recognize this job as an incredible opportunity that I am lucky to have!
It's been only 3 months at this point but I honestly just can't seem to enjoy it. I had a family tragedy/life changing event happen a month before I started and since then didn't take much time off to really deal with it. I'm worried that my opinion could be skewed because I'm probably a bit clinically depressed at this point. I can't seem to make the 5 days a week thing work. I just hate it. Hate hate hate it. I hate how much happiness I start feeling toward the end of the week, and literally by saturday night how bummed I start feeling again knowing that I'll be back at work again Monday. I like my days to be mine, and LOVED shift work. They were VERY clear when I started about the 5 day a week thing with some weekend call, and I thought it would be ok. I didn't realize that now with whats going on in my family, that it's even harder to make time for my husband, myself and my family. I literally cry daily. The doctor I work with is wonderful, but at the same time since it is a small practice, I feel slightly limited to doing what he does with patient management. He says he wants me to have my own practice, but lets face it, it's his business that he worked hard to build. I want our practices to align somewhat. I'm so new at this point though that I don't feel confident enough to even try to venture beyond what I know he does, which works. I had my first patient on my schedule yesterday. I'm 3 months in and I've independently seen MAYBE a handful of patients. I usually go through his daily schedule and ask him who he wants me to see etc but he usually only gives me like one or 2 that I can see.
I feel useless, pointless, purposeless, stupid and tired of not having any time for myself, my family or the things I love. I'm debating just applying for another job right now, I saw one urgent care job that was 3 12's a week which sounds amazing. Should I stick around though and see if I can start to find my place in this practice and as an NP? Is this just the depression talking? Is this just the whole new grad thing that's getting to me? Or is there a real basis on the fact that I can't handle the schedule and just don't feel like I have any purpose or meaning to my work life?
