Shaken up by reaction to a patient

Libby1987 · Jan 11, 2015

Pretty damn normal, I'd say. To already have steely control of your emotional reaction to hard HARD situations at this point is what would be abnormal.

The important part is to have a healthy way to deal with what you see and experience.

jenfro · Jan 11, 2015

Thanks for your response. How do you deal with things you see and experience?

MunoRN, RN · Jan 11, 2015

It's about the perspective you take. The fact that unfortunate things happen to people is just the way it is, working in a hospital only makes you more aware of that reality. If you interpret that increased awareness of reality as meaning that you yourself somehow caused these unfortunate things to happen to people then it is going to be hard.

But another way of looking at it is that these unfortunate things are going to happen whether you're there to help help them or not, so at least you have the opportunity to help make a bad situation as good as it can possibly be; you can assist the patient and family deal with the situation, you can help make them more comfortable, more secure, more at ease with the reality that you had no control over to begin with. Be glad there are some things you can control, and don't focus on the things you can't.

Gooselady, BSN, RN · Jan 11, 2015

Why do you think you are avoiding her? I'm gonna guess you had a 'trauma' moment when you were surprised and shocked seeing her in ICU. Wanting to avoid her now is a perfectly normal response to being a bit traumatized, it was like losing control of yourself.

A CNA (now a nurse) who I worked with while in nurses training had a similar situation happen. A highschool friend of hers' sister was hospitalized on our unit. She knew the patient only through her brother. She walked in the room ready to say HI to the patient's brother, and laid eyes on the patient and froze. The patient had been fighting sarcoma for years, and frankly, the deformities and wastage of her body was truly heartbreaking. Shocking.

So this CNA pulled me aside and asked me what to do, she felt like she couldn't go back in that room. We talked for a while and finally she said, "I think I just have to force myself to go in there and get it over with." Sounded good to me! I suggested she do it when she was feeling particularly energetic, rather than when tired or shaken up. So she went along with her work and popped into the room, started a cheery convo with the brother and mother and came out feeling pretty victorious

This stuff you push past, rather than allow yourself to avoid. The longer you avoid, the stronger it gets. You don't want to start that kind of a 'habit' as a future nurse, anyway :) You'll do better than you think, but just DO IT when you are feeling calm and cheerful, just rush in there with something cheerful to say, bring the dad a coffee, or ask if anyone wants pudding. You'll be surprised and relieved :)

Over time, that vulnerable part of us gets sealed off, to an extent. It comes with the territory, otherwise you couldn't function. I took care of my first dying patients at this last job, and the first death -- a very peaceful one -- shook me and I held it together with some effort. The next death -- a bit easier, and the next and the next. I could stay in a place where I could support the family rather than emotionally lose it, you know? So this is yet one more 'on the job' training you don't get in school. And it IS OK to weep with the family, hug and cry some more. The only thing 'wrong' with it is you have to go show your face in another patients room, be completely available to them, not to mention keep track of everything else you have to do.

jenfro · Jan 11, 2015

Thanks for sharing that story, Gooselady.

I think it was just a shock, partially because I had never seen anyone in a comatose state with a tube in their throat...It was just rough first experience moment. But you're right, I need to face it head on. I'm planing on going in as soon as she's off NPO. I don't want to go in if she's starving to order her parent's food, as she is mostly awake. I'd feel so bad!

Like you said, I'm sure once I actually get to nursing school and gain more experience in a hospital in a more clinical setting it'll get easier.

Cobweb · Jan 11, 2015

Think of it this way--if everybody who was horrified by what happened to this family was not able to take care of the little girl, what would happen to her? She'd be surrounded by people who didn't give a damn. It is perfectly normal to have those feelings, and to have to learn how to deal with them.

I went to the hospital morgue with my teacher when I was in school--lo, these many moons ago. The attendant was flopping around this baby on the slab like an old dead chicken. He was trying to get a rise of the two big cops standing there, I think. Anyway, I kept a stiff upper lip so as not to embarrass my teacher, but when we left I started crying. I said, "I guess I have to get used to things like that. I reckon I'll have to get tough enough not to care about that." She said, "If you get tough enough to not care, then you will be in the wrong profession." That was one of the moments that helped define my whole life--not just my career.