Scholarship Essay Please read and review :)

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This is my essay for a scholarship that I am applying for Please read and if there are any mistakes/ suggestions please share!

1) Why have you chosen to pursue a career in nursing and what are your career goals?

I have chose nursing as my career path because I have always felt a draw the the medical field. Even as a kid, when most want to play out different professions such as teacher, doctor, police officer or even sometimes the robber, I always had one type of favorite pretend job. A medical related one. I was always the doctor, the nurse, or the mommy with a sick baby. I think the innate sense of needing to care for someone has always been with me.

When I was young, my grandfather was diagnosed with type2 diabetes. He was required to inject insulin. The 6 year old nurse in me was intrigued! I wanted to know everything about what he was doing, why, and when I could help. He showed me how he would fill the syringe, clean the injection site and administer the insulin. He just couldn't teach me fast enough! I just couldn't wait to learn to give the injections myself. As I got older, he did allow me to help and I loved it! I Even tried to teach my cousin how to do it, but when she tried to give the injection she was so scared, she pushed the plunger just a little each time she inched closer. By the time she was at my grandpa's arm, the syringe was completely empty!

As the end of high school approached, there was never a question as to the field that I would enter. I applied to Western Kentucky University as a pre-nursing major. I quickly learned that college was not as easy as high school. After 4 semesters, I decided to take a break, get a job, and some real world experience. After 5 years I had the opportunity to return to school. I have finished all of my pre-requisites and will begin the nursing program in August of this year.

I anticipate to graduate in May or 2013. After graduation, I plan on looking for a position in the OR. I also anticipate to apply for the RN-BSN program to further my education. My long term career and educational goals are to further my education as much as I can while maintaining a career in the OR setting that I both enjoy and take pride in.

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.
this is my essay for a scholarship that i am applying for please read and if there are any mistakes/ suggestions please share!

1) why have you chosen to pursue a career in nursing and what are your career goals?

i have chose have chosen or chose nursing as my career path because i have always felt a draw the the medical field. even as a kid, when most want to play out different professions such as teacher, doctor, police officer or even sometimes the robber, i always had one type of favorite pretend job. a medical related one. incorporate the last part into the sentence because it is a fragment. maybe you could write "...i always had one type of favorite pretend job---a medical one."i was always the doctor, the nurse, or the mommy with a sick baby. i think the innate sense of needing to care for someone has always been with me.

when i was young, my grandfather was diagnosed with type2 type 2 diabetes. he was required to inject insulin. the 6 write out the numbers six, four, and five year old nurse in me was intrigued! i wanted to know everything about what he was doing, why, and when i could help. he showed me how he would fill the syringe, clean the injection site and administer the insulin. he just couldn't teach me fast enough! i just couldn't wait to learn to give the injections myself. as i got older, he did allow me to help and i loved it! i even tried to teach my cousin how to do it, but when she tried to give the injection she was so scared, she pushed the plunger just a little each time she inched closer. by the time she was at my grandpa's arm, the syringe was completely empty!

as the end of high school approached, there was never a question as to the field that i would enter. i applied to western kentucky university as a pre-nursing major. i quickly learned that college was not as easy as high school. after 4 semesters, i decided to take a break, get a job, and some real world experience. consider changing this to: "take a break to get a job and some real world experience." also, maybe you could write a little about those experiences. were they in a health care related field? did you work with the public? how did that time away from school change you or help you to succeed when you went back to school? after 5 years i had the opportunity to return to school. i have finished all of my pre-requisites and will begin the nursing program in august of this year.

i anticipate to graduate in may or of 2013. after graduation, i plan on looking for a position in the or. i also anticipate to apply for the rn-bsn program to further my education. my long term career and educational goals are to further my education as much as i can while maintaining a career in the or setting that i both enjoy and take pride in. in which i take pride.

i bolded some of your grammar and made suggestions in red.

your essay works but i would want to know a little more about you. if i was on the committee deciding to whom scholarships were awarded, i would want to know why you deserve this money. how would you convince me? for example, many people take time off from school. what makes you different from them? how did you learn from your previous college experience and how do you plan to do things differently? what is your passion in nursing? what do you think you might want to do in your career?

i know you can do this! :up: to you for asking for feedback and for moving ahead in your journey!

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thanks! There are 3 more essays that I have to write (that I am REALLLY not motivated to do right now.) so I don't want to overwhelm the committee in any of them. and they are 500 words max each.

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Specializes in Neuro, Neuro ICU.

In the first sentance you said the word "the" twice, when I believe you meant to write "to the"

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Specializes in Gerontology, nursing education.

Eeeeek! Three essays! Don't do them now if you don't feel motivated (unless they're due really soon). Just take some time to relax.

Are they all for the same scholarship? I do understand what you mean about not wanting to overwhelm the committee.

I did like your story about your childhood but maybe you could edit it just a little bit to keep the word count down.

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Yep all the same scholarship. I don't know how to answer the other 2 questions either. One of the prompts is "how does "organization x" promote its nursing specialty". (not too difficult) but...

the other one is "What experience or exposure have you had in the X field (academic and/or clinical)? If you have not had any and your program includes exposure to the specialty, describe the program. If your program does not have a rotation of coursework, explain why (you may have to research with your professors to find this answer). :banghead:

The application must be received at the organizations office NO LATER than June 15th I am not super crunched for time BUT I need to get them done by next Thursday so I have plenty of time for mailing.

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