Saturday June 24th 2023

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Jun 24, 2023

Taking advantage of the boys being out of the house to do some deep cleaning. I haven't mentioned this because I'm incredibly embarrassed and ashamed but when Grandma came from brother-in-law's house back in 2020 there were bedbugs in her things. We didn't know it for months and once we did we tried to just fight them ourselves but they keep showing up again so I'm going to call a professional. Hubs has resisted but I'm over it. But I want all the clothes, etc. out of the front bedroom. I forced the boys to go through their stuff and weed out things I can throw away. The others are going in plastic tubs until we get this dealt with.

So this how we are spending our 34th wedding anniversary. I'm also running the auto-clean on the oven and our eyes are stinging. The kitchen window is open with a big fan directing the air out the window but one can only do so much.

My high school has an all-school reunion every 3 years and the dinner is tonight. If my brother and/or sister had come I'd go but as it is I won't. Hubs couldn't go with me because someone has to watch Gma. My brother and his wife (who is still recovering from surgery) have had covid this week.

No Stars In My Eyes · Jun 25, 2023

Nannie is kind of out-of-it this afternoon....she has referred to (my) hubby as
"that man who sits over here," pointing to the recliner next to hers. She also said, during the ballgame, "Who was that woman that came up out of the water?" (HUH?) And then she added that "she mentioned that guy, but I didn't know they were together."--- What guy? I dunno. I thought we were watching a baseball game and listening to the announcers babble. There was no commercial on with a woman coming out of the water. I was at a loss.

Then, come to find out, when I told her the name of 'that guy who sits over here' and said he was her son, she looked at me with no understanding in her face. I said, "Nannie, he is your oldest son." And still I got that puzzled look, so I said "My husband?" Ooohhhh, well that seemed to explain it to her. I spend more time with her than he does, so if I was here, it made sense to her that my husband would be here....but , she said, "He's my son?" (D'oH)

I'm going to nutshell this for y'all, so wish me luck: Last night hubby got so smashed on Xanax and vodka (Mr. "I-only-took-half-a-tablet") Well he was just numb like....zombified. I had to walk him up the stairs to the kitchen, and then up to his bedroom to put the humidifier on the O2 condenser. I had to walk him to the bathroom, telling him to put his hands on the woodwork to steady himself, taking each step one at a time rather than alternating his feet like most folks do. I just didn;t want to deal with any of the multiple falls he would have taken if I hadn't got him upstairs. (I didn't strain my body; jusy hung onto his waistband and under his other arm)

Anyway I did talk to him this morning about how I felt and what I saw and how I was so affected by having to observe all the dangers he put himself in. Really, I hold my breath, my heart beats faster whenever he goes up and down the stairs. He doesn't have any connection between his fumigated brain and his body, no awareness. Anyway I said my main reason for wanting to talk with him was to make him more aware that, God willing, we would soon have a future of our own, and if he is still getting drunk and whatever-else he gets....we aren't going to be able to travel like we have talked about, and places to go just to get away a while. If we rent an RV, how is he going to deal with the narrow stairs in and out of it. I picture him catapulting to the ground. That will never do. We aren't going to be here with Nannie forever, and I hate to say it, but I do hope it is sooner than later. I'd like to be able to re-home her, but that costs unbelievably, so I need a miracle for that!

And, of course, due to his promises (!) to 'do better' at his drinking, he only got 3/4's of the way zombified, so I left him in the kitchen with his tomato soup and crackers, and came up to my bedroom. Let him struggle through getting getting up to his own room.

****So here's what I decided that might make me feel a little better for having to deal with with two patients......THEY are going to PAY me from their social security checks each month, which I will put into savings account of my very own, sort of a Just-In-Case-Fund. But mostly it will feel good for me to receive some compensation for all this BS I have to deal with every day.

I'm not too good at putting things in a nutshell, but at least I didn't go on too badly! Thanks for reading.

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Jun 25, 2023

I think that's an excellent idea, Stars, and very fair.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Jun 25, 2023

Stars, having a "just in case fund" is a good idea. I had a friend that did that when taking care of her mother, but used it to go on a cruise while her mother was still alive, so it seemed a bit shady. But she deserved it. Being a caretaker is exhausting emotionally and physically. I'm sorry the post-Nannie world is looking grim and having to look at a post-Mr. Stars and deterioration of Mr. Stars can't be an easy thing.

"Polysubtance abuse" in the elderly/older population is something I'm seeing more of. We had a 78 year old coming for one thing that was positive for fentanyl. We currently have a 68 year old that said she just finished up a cocaine bender come in with broken hip. Alcoholism is rampant. We are not a well society.

My dad has a "just in case fund" for us to take care of business when they pass but I'm not sure I trust that my sister hasn't gotten her hands on it. But she deserves all the compensation, not me or my brother. My parents essentially pay all her bills and she is living with them full time but keeps her place here where she eventually wants to move back to...that my parents bought her (as well as her car). My parent's meager possessions and savings will be split between the three of us but she can have it all for what she's been through.

Saturday as a poop show in the morning. Those making the assignment put me one place and a patient was so upset that she didn't get her nurse from the day before (her nurses are pre-arranged...long story but I'm not on that list although I've had her before, but now she wants a female and only certain ones because she's special) that I had to be bumped to the other unit and started my day very late. Never should have happened in the first place.

I called off Sunday. Can't face that place. I just checked. I have used 22.5 hours of PTO this year so far and it's June. I have over 200 hours so I can use 12 today and not have it hurt. I think the floor will be okay because someone signed up to work extra. She won't be extra, just take my place.

Ado Annie, ASN, RN · Jun 25, 2023

Ugh, those special people. Good for you for taking the day off.

I'd like to take some time off while stepdaughter is here, and I will but not full days because there were things already on the calendar that I must be there for. Not that we could go anywhere to do something fun anyway. Well, maybe, since the boys will be back tomorrow night if they follow their plan. Twin A is scheduled to work at the zoo Tuesday. Maybe Twin B would Gma-sit one day.