Rough draft of my personal statement

[michlynn, BSN, RN]

This is rough draft #2 of my personal statement for possible employment after graduation, I will take any and all advice, thank you!

Growing up I never pictured myself becoming a nurse; my family thought otherwise. I was never the kid who was afraid of blood or became worried when someone was sick. I was always the one with a positive attitude and provided a support system for my family. I have chosen to pursue a career in nursing because it is a natural extension of my want and talent for helping people through particularly stressful circumstances. Nursing offers me a one of a kind opportunity to combine my crisis management experience with a precise set of science-based assessment and intervention skills that will have a substantial impact on the health and well-being of an individual.

I'm currently a student at Mercyhurst University, graduating at the end of May. During my time here I have been able to gain many hours of clinical experience ranging in numerous different specialties. I've had experience on the oncology, medical/surgical, outpatient, cardiac, mental health, critical care and maternity floors. I am also completing forty hours of independent study work in a critical care field to further my understanding.

While completing my clinical hours I've had a lot of one on one patient time since we are only assigned one patient to care for at a time. This is something a lot of patients aren't used to and I find this makes their stay a lot more enjoyable. In one particular case I had a patient with severe cerebral palsy and MR and he was not able to speak. After caring for him for a few hours I noticed his eyes lit up every time I came into the room and a huge grin crossed his face. I decided I would sit in his room with him for a while, talk and hold his hand. After while his dad came to visit and was elated to see his son with such a big smile on his face and thanked me for spending more time with him because other nurses hadn't done that. I walked out of the hospital that day with a sense of elation knowing that I had made the care for that individual and his family that much better.

Through all of my clinical experience I've tried to absorb as much as I possibly can while aiding the staff so that they may give the best patient care available. Throughout my training I've been able to better my communication, leadership, and care-giving skills. Everyday I strive to be the best possible nurse, friend, family member and person I can be. I am excited for the opportunity to put everything I've learned and all of the skills I've attained to good use.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

I believe I was the one who advised you on your first draft; perhaps I misunderstood what the assignment was, because I'm surprised your professors would have you write such a piece for employment purposes. As I've said before, hiring managers almost never read "personal statements"---we're too busy to deal with them. In fact, we pay only minimal attention to the cover letter and go straight for the resume, where we want to see an emphasis on what the applicant has done and what s/he can do.

I would still recommend shortening this up by taking out paragraph #3. Otherwise, it's a nice piece and I hope you get a good grade on it.

[joanna73, BSN, RN]

This is a well written piece for a school assignment, but if you are planning to later incorporate this into a cover letter, I would lose the first paragraph, and tweak the rest. Ideally, the employer needs to have a sense of who you are and what you're offering....concisely. They may have 100-400 resumes to screen.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

Personal statements are no longer "in vogue" for applying for jobs. If you must include one, two to three sentences max. Your cover letter will state whatever else they might need to know.

[michlynn, BSN, RN]

Thank you for your advice, this is actually required for the graduate position I am applying for. They not only want a resume and a cover letter but a personal statement as well. They wanted us to write about a time where we put the patient and their family first.

[michlynn, BSN, RN]

I actually had to include that 3rd paragraph because we are required to write about a time where we put the patient and their family first. The place I am applying for actually wants a cover letter, resume and personal statement. So my cover letter is a lot shorter and right to the point.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Well, that's different then. You do have a good story and tell it well. Best of luck to you in pursuing your goals. :)