Roommates

LovingPeds, MSN, APRN, NP · Sep 10, 2021

I had a male colleague in nursing school who went through the same thing. He was married, a few years older than his roommate, and had small children at the time. He and his roommate became and I believe remain good friends. We didn't judge him for it. Nursing school is time consuming and tuition is expensive. The roommate appreciated the break on rent. He appreciated the place to stay.

I don't know all of the details, but I know that his wife met the roommate several times. They had exchanged numbers in case of emergency. I don't know that they became good friends, but she did become comfortable with the roommate.

The trick for them was attributed to two things: transparency and video chats. He was very open with his spouse when ever he and his roommate were studying alone or going out to get dinner alone. He never made it seem like he was hiding information. He also video chatted her twice every night he stayed over. Once when right before his kids went to bed to talk to them and then once before bed himself just to talk to her. If it was a late night like with clinical, he took the time to chat with her for a few minutes before she went to bed. I think his family stayed so involved that way that it was like he was home.

Another thing that I think was very helpful was study groups. When ever possible they invited other people to study with them or to have dinner with them so it wasn't just the two of them all the time. It was just clearly a professional relationship based on circumstances.

FutureRN7 · Sep 10, 2021

This really helped and gives me more peace and comfort about the situation. I am definitely going to implement what this guy did. It sounds like a great idea. Thanks!

JKL33 · Sep 10, 2021

2 hours ago, FutureRN7 said:

So, my female 20 something yr. old classmate from pre reqs reached out to me and said she has asked our other female classmates to be roommates but they are not able to and so she reached out to me to see if I am interested.

My comments aren't related to judging you.

I was going to respond that how it will go is solely up to you.

On further thought, that is not true. I think it would be very prudent to review what all you know about this individual as part of your decision-making process. This really isn't about whether anyone thinks it's a (morally) proper situation or not. Without anyone's judgy views of morality, this certainly has plenty of ways to go sideways.

At the very least have you really searched for a different situation? Like gotten on the city's reddit or other medium to see who all would love to have someone help defray the rent?

Make sure you're being honest with yourself. You are asking for understanding of your situation and stating that you have no other options, so my thought is that if that's truly the case then you don't wait for a 20-something to fall in your lap (no pun or suggestion intended ?), you use social media or word of mouth to find a place to crash.

Best of luck with whatever you work out. As pointed out you certainly can take steps to make the best of an arguably less-than-ideal situation. But things are already sideways if you aren't brutally honest in evaluating the situation.

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PortlandRN2020, BSN · Sep 17, 2021

I tried long distance commuting in my program and ended up needing to rent a room close by for my own sanity. It was a cramped space with no living area and full of students much younger than I but it was walking distance from school. I would go home on weekends and it worked really well for me logistically. If there is a way to make it feel safe for you and your wife, I would recommend doing this to save yourself as much commuting as possible on school days, especially if you're still working. Good luck