Question for any single mother or dual military Army Nurses?

DanznRN, RN · Jul 20, 2007

Carliboo-

Can't speak for the Army, but my wife and I have been in the Navy together since 2003. I've been in since 1997 and she came on in 2003. For us it has been O.K. We have 3 kids (8,5, and 2) and the scheduling can be a pain from time to time. It depends on what you are looking for. We are both nurses, so it meant shift work, day/ night rotation and all that. I'll say that while we were in Italy (first duty station together) we had very little family time together unless we took a vacation. Part of that was on the part of our scheduling officers, they just couldn't get it right. We had some simple guidelines that we asked them to follow and some months they'd get it right some they wouldn't. There are no rules in the books that spell out how dual couples should be treated, if that's what you are looking for. If your husband is medical than that makes it a bit easier. However, if he is in some other field, I have been told that they don't care and give little concern to the other active member or their schedule, so I've been told. Your individual experience may vary and don't forget about deployments. My wife and I are semi-comfortable in the fact that if they need nurses, normally 2 at a time from our current command, the odds of them taking just us 2 is slim. You don't want a husband and wife team in the field together, see? However, if you are in to separate fields they are less likely to be as understanding. Also don't be shocked, but as a dual couple you have to have a plan in writing stating what happens to the kid(s) in the event we were both deployed, I'm sure the Army would have the same so think about who gets your son. Overall though it's been a good experience and I'm getting to the point in my career where I won't do shifts much longer, so things will smooth out for us. if you have more specific questions, just let me know.

LCDR(s) Dan

P.S. - If your husband doesn't respect you for being a full-time Mom, tell him to swallow a watermelon whole and try to squeeze it whole out of you know where, what a putz, sorry, that makes no sense to me.

carliboo30 · Jul 21, 2007

:thankya:Thank you LCDR Dan for your response. I am really grateful to you for sharing your experience. THX!!! Carla

Rme4life · Jul 24, 2007

i was duel military for 6 years, and both me and my husband were enlisted and worked shift work in two different fields - so never any cooperation with the work schedule that is for sure. it always seemed to work out for us though but we did have to work real hard to make time just for the two of us because most of our time went to the family. we did face deployments although they were no longer than 6 months. i got out almost a decade ago and am now going back in as a nurse. my husband is still active duty. i never had to deal with my husband not respecting me so i can not relate to that, but my husband is glad that i will once again have a paycheck. we made the decision together about me coming back in because my husband has a few years left before he can retire. we made this decision knowing that we might once again work opposite shifts and not see each other for days on end or that we might have to deploy, one or both of us. i know not everyone feels this way, but i always thought if you could think of yourself as a single parent in the military and be ok with that and function as if you are one, then being duel military and having someone to pick up the slack is only a bonus. i have to admit that even most people in the military expect the mom to be the one to do it all. when my husband would tell his boss, i need to pick up my kids, they would usually say, why can't your wife do it. i think being duel military, you at least have the chance to switch off when an emergency comes up so that not just one parent is the one always missing work, etc. i can not really talk just yet on if being an officer is easier with kids as opposed to enlisted. i think you have to go into this with your eyes wide open. you would have to work hours that might not work for you and your family and if a civilian nurse calls in sick they might call you to come in because you're active duty. from what i understand a lot of military hospitals work their active duty nurses 12 hour shifts and could even be up to 4x a week. a lot of the active duty nurses at the hospital would talk to you if you had questions. i had several talks with nurses and i have to say they were a lot more honest with me than the nurses that worked at the recruiter's office. good luck with your decision, i totally relate to how difficult this decision can be.

carliboo30 · Jul 24, 2007

Thank you for your response, the reason I ask this is because I dont want to make the mistake of becoming a commisioned officer and then not be able to fulfill my part because of the hours assigned to me. When I say I have a 2 year old son, I mean he is my priority. I know that when I was single in the military 5 am meant 445 am and I am not sure if as dual military we would have discretion with time as far as taking the baby to daycare, etc.

I am really confused and I figure I cant make a decision until I am 100% sure this is what I want. Also my husband doesnt respect the role of a "homemaker" that much.... he is not rude but at times expects me to do absolutely everything since he is the major breadwinner and this gets on my last nerve. Anyway I feel like I am venting..... I would like to thank everyone for their response, maybe this is something I will consider once the baby gets older..

Gennaver, MSN · Jul 30, 2007

I have a question for military nurses who are single mothers. or dual military mothers. I have been married for the past 7 years with a "military lifer".
... My husband doesnt respect me as a "housewife and full time mom" :angryfire and basically I am really tired of just following him around the world and not being able to do something for myself.
... I am really confused right now... any advice from real world nurses in the military would really help me. How do you like it?

Hello,

I wish for you the best because there are several areas of concern in your post. Firstly, the lack of respect from your husband, your life-partner and your mutual c-parenting partner...that is a big flag that needs to be tended to, imho, prior to taking on another stresser such as nursing employment and re-entry into the Military.

I really hope to read good news and updates from you!

Gen

surromom · Aug 21, 2007

I was dual military (married two sailors, in my 11 yrs in the Navy) for one, if your son is your #1 priority I don't think the military is the right place to be anyhow. Yes my kids are my priority but the military doesn't always see it that way. If it were not for some great friends I would never been able to finish my tour of shift work, I did 12s reporting at 0530, my husband was out to sea alot, I was able to get an extra 15 mins to come in late since daycare opened at 0530, but that was because I was not needed there but as a nurse I would be needed immediately to start turnover. I also hated asking for things to be changed because I was a mother, I was the only dual military/or single parent in a group of 16, and I did not want them accusing me of playing the "I have a kid card", now with that being said, I will be going going back in the Navy after I finish school, but we will most likely hire a nanny.

carliboo30 · Aug 22, 2007

first let me say thank you for the responses. i am still trying to figure out what to do as far as going back into the military. i figure right now is not the best time to go active. i was thinking maybe back into the reserves as an officer. that way i can have some extra money per month and money towards finishing school (someday i wanna grow up and be a crna or fnp). i think the one with the real problem is me, i dont really like being a "homemaker" myself to be quite honest. i feel like my life and talent is wasting away. dont get me wrong it has been alot of fun and tears rearing my two year old but i really wanna work. that really is the bottom line and where we are headed in germany ive heard it is difficult to get an "rn" job, they dont even have a hospital in stuttgart. i think i might end up doing something else for the next 3-5 years. i am just so pissed that i studied so hard and cannot work in my field. the army is a real stickler about having experience as an rn to be hired by cpol, and my experience is mostly as an lpn hence i just graduated a couple of months ago. thank you all for hearing me out and also for relating your opinions and experience.

CEG · Aug 24, 2007

There is no difference in expectations for dual military versus others. If everyone in the unit has to be there at 0500 then everyone has to be there at 0500. As an officer in particular it would look very bad if you expected special treatment based on your family situation. It would be no different than accepting a civilian job and expecting to show up late/leave early.

Now that isn't to say that your command would not consider your situation in making assignments, schedules, etc. Commanders are human too. It's just that you can't go into the Army with the expectation that you will be given special treatment- both because it probably won't happen, and also because that is the wrong attitude for an officer to have.

Maybe you could speak with some of the people where you would be working and discuss hours and such. I can't imagine that the hours would be unworkable, you would just have to carefully consider the impact that deployment would have on your son, particularly if you and your husband deployed at the same time. You would also have to be able to make a family care plan and designate who would take custody of your son in that case.

You never know about getting the civilian job until you try, even if you think it's not likely.

As for your husband not respecting you as a stay at home mom, that would be unacceptable to me. I would make sure you are considering this career move for you and not for him. Best wishes.

carliboo30 · Aug 24, 2007

Well thank you for your insight. I really dont feel this is the right time for me to go Active Duty, due to my son being my priority. I just wanted to know from other dual military couples and single mothers how the military works out for them regarding their schedules.

I've already made my decision for now.. Thanks for all the replies and thoughts, opinions.

MustangGirl850 · Aug 31, 2007

My husband and I are both army.. they will consider anything if it's logical!!