PLEASE, I need some support!!
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This has been a very difficult week for me. My brother suddenly got VERY sick and he's the only family I'm really close to. It happened literally overnight, completely out of the blue, and his girlfriend and I are so scared (he hasn't told his side of the family yet-- he's my half-brother). We are waiting to get the tests back, and he'll go in for a biopsy next week. His doctor is talking about possible lymphoma. I am a nervous wreck.
So this is all the leadup to the fact that I took my CNA test yesterday, and although I don't have the official word yet, I'm sure that I failed. (Sometimes, you just know...) Everything was great except for ONE thing, and it was absolutely awful. Basically, what happens to me when I'm under horrible stress (such as my brother possibly being horribly sick) is that I'll become so anxious that if something starts going wrong, it may just go from bad to worse. I did great on the written test, 4 skills out of the 5 went perfectly, I remembered every step, every critical skill, the other steps word for word from the book, everything was wonderful, and then I got BP-- the one skill out of 27 I was hoping to not get. Well, the bed and everything else was set up very differently than I was used to, it was the one skill I'd never had a chance to practice in clinicals although I'd practiced it a LOT!! in class and on friends, and I just got more and more nervous.
The test subject was actually the observer RN's granddaughter, and I had a hard time finding her brachial pulse, so I pressed just a little too hard, and it accidentally pressed on... a nerve near her elbow, I guess... Well, that was it. I had practiced this a zillion times and never had anything like this happen before, EVER, but she said it hurt, and what with Grandma being the RN observer, that was the end of that. If looks could kill, I would have been carried out on a stretcher at the very least. So I'm sure I failed the test. I'm supposed to start a new job on Wednesday at a LTC and I certainly don't need to have passed the CNA test to start, and I REALLY want this to work, but I just feel so completely beaten down. Can I do this? SHOULD I do this? Do I have any business doing this? I did so well in class, I would do ANYTHING to make this work, I would work so incredibly hard, but I just feel like a failure right now.
I don't know what to do.