please help!!

I am currently on my orientation on a very busy level 1 trauma sicu...I started as a new grad on their step down unit the end of sept...I had a lot of breaks in my orientation (ekg, critical care 1 certif.). As of last month I was transfered to the ICU, which is what I wanted before beginning my careeer as a nurse. Little did I know that my anxiety was only going to get worse!! I have never had so much anxiety in my entire life!!! I feel like I hate my job, I'm like a machine that never stops all 12 hours long. I sometimes cry before work, especially if I have a tough assignment. You never know what to expect and that scares me, these patients are so unstable that one can crash at any second. Plus the equipment alone is tough to remember how it all works. By my third night I am physically, mentally, and emotionally drained!! I work nights and sometimes have trouble falling asleep because my mind runs like a tape. I wish I worked in outpatient as a 9-5 m-f nurse lol. I feel stuck and don't know what to do. All the other nurses tell me it's normal, but how do I get through this? I just want my old life back being happy. I thought school was rough, but that was nothing. Just wish they would have warned us in school..haha

Cathy from ny