Please help me with my goals statement for application

[Sarah Bellum]

Edited to remove statement to avoid plagarism.

[pancake]

Hi,

This is just my opinion, but I think adding an example to your goal statement would really make it stand out. Was there something in particular you saw or experienced when you shadowed the nurse that solidified your decision to pursue nursing? Letting your passion show through is always good :)

You are so smart to get as many people as possible to read and edit your goal statement. Good luck to you!

[lady_jezebel]

I think it needs to be a little more inspirational. Your story sounds a little too casual, as if NOT getting into the program would be only a minor upset for you. You're competing against people who have much more passion about becoming a nurse, you know? And there are only a few slots in school -- so who do you think the selection committee would choose? Think about your presentation.

Secondly, I wouldn't emphasize becoming an NP at this point. Save that for your graduate school letter. Your school is currently striving to fill the shortage of RNs at the bedside. So I would emphasize why you want to be a bedside nurse.

Even though the admissions questions sound simple, they are an opportunity for you to tell the selection committee why they should choose you over hundreds of other candidates. Think about your audience. They really want more info about you than you assume. Cram pack those paragraphs with the best you've got.

Finally, be careful about posting your statement online. Someone else may use it & there could be issues regarding plagarism, who knows. I'd share it only with instructors & family/friends.

[Mystery5]

I wouldn't mention that you specifically wanted a quickie program to get through in a year. Also, I agree with the above critiques.

How about:

Since I was a young girl, I've always been interested in nursing. I'll never forget in school writing of this dream of mine for an a class assignment on "What do you want to be when you grow up". Even after pursueing a degree in "insert your degree here", nursing remained in the back of my mind.

Then, life put in my path my wonderful neighbor, who is a nurse at "blankety, blank". She has been a timely source of inspiration and encouragement to me to look into attaining my long held goal. She allowed me to shadow her at work, which only confirmed that nursing was right for me. Also, my cousin, who has been a nurse for 30 years, has been an important person who has mentored me.

I researched several programs, and am very impressed with this one. I think it would help me to achieve the excellence that I hope to strive for, giving me a solid base of knowledge to enter nursing with. After graduation, I would like to continue my education, after getting real life experience at the bedside. Eventually, I hope to decide on a specialty that is of particular interest to me, perhaps working with pediatrics in some capacity.

[Sarah Bellum]

Thanks for the input all. Definitely food fro thought and I definitely need to work on this more. As you can see I edited my post above. I never thought about the plagarism angle, oops!