please help with my admissions essay :(

sweetee0607 · Jul 17, 2009

Hi,

I read your thread and your essay is WONDERFUL. It was clear and to the point. I am currently a nursing student in FL and you are right time management is one of the biggest challenges with the other being critical thinking skills. Yes, most everyone has critical thinking skills but to build your skills to become a nurse I find is a challenge. Most situations/scenarios given to you will have 3 good answers and to pick the one that's best for your situation is where those skills come in to play.

I am sure that you will get in so here is an early CONGRATS!!!!

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Jul 17, 2009

look, i'm not being mean, but this is not the caliber of essay for a university nursing program. it needs more work before turning it in.

working as a certified nurse's assistant has given me first-hand knowledge about what it takes to be a nurse. not only have i observed nurses daily and know what the job entails, but i have also worked alongside them and supported them in their positions. i know in my heart that becoming an

rn

is what i want to do, the first and foremost reason would be the challenge. i think the human body is absolutely fascinating and i know that i will be seeing a variety of events from amazing recoveries to unforeseen losses. i am constantly asking questions of my colleagues regarding nursing school and their answers lead me to believe that

time management will be the most challenging aspect about nursing school

. although i have been working on developing my organizational skills in order to make the transition as smooth as possible,

i know i will be expected to keep up with the overabundance of new information that i will be absorbing in nursing school

.

they didn't ask you to tell them "why you want to be a nurse" or "what a nurse does". most everything in the above paragraph needs to be deleted. are you trying to tell them

what i perceive to be the most challenging about nursing school

?

you might want to read up about the nursing school experience on web sites like

student nurse journey (
http://www.snjourney.com/
) and look at the weblinks on the left side of their home page because those are some of the topics of study in nursing schools.
http://www.nursezone.com/student-nurses/default.aspx

i would recommend that you read the university's college catalog section for the nursing department and read about what they will be teaching you in their program and what the description is of each nursing class. that should give you some ideas about what will be

challenging

to you about

their

nursing program. at this point, you don't even know what you will be studying if you haven't looked at the catalog or the classes you will be taking or talked with any of their students who have taken these classes, so how can you even begin to

perceive

what is going to be

the most challenging

for you?

i was considering several nursing schools, so i decided to look at nclex scores for each program. according to the texas board of nursing, msu had a 72% pass rate in 2007. while this seems to be a low score, they made many changes in an effort to improve the scores and reached a 91% pass rate in 2008. another aspect i considered in choosing a nursing program were clinicals; they are an important part of nursing school because one has the opportunity to work in almost every setting available in nursing from hospitals, clinics, nursing homes to psych wards . this is important because beginning nurses will be able to figure out which field to go into before getting a job. msu works in conjunction with many clinical sites around the area and involves both rural and urban experiences, which makes it unique.

after extensive research, i narrowed my choices down to three schools. in order to make the appropriate decision, i clearly needed to visit the campuses, take tours, and consult with the nursing faculty regarding their program. as

i sat in an msu classroom

, along with other nursing majors, listening to the instructor give an overview of the program, i quickly realized that msu was different. the instructors were very welcoming and answered questions

without circumspection

. what really caught my attention? the demonstration. msu was the only school where students

gave a demonstration

. this was quick and simple and made me feel as if i were already a student.

was the msu classroom you sat in a nursing class? that wasn't clear to me? also, did you have an opportunity to sit in nursing classrooms at the other 2 schools you visited in order to make a comparison? that wasn't clear either. so, when you got to the part where you say "listening to the instructor give an overview of the program, i quickly realized that msu was different" it wasn't making any rational sense. different from what, i was wondering? i underlined the words without circumspection because you didn't use them properly. look up the definition of circumspection in a dictionary. what demonstration did the nursing students give? i wanted to know! write about how it had an impact on you because it was obviously included in the presentation in order to draw prospective applicants into their program. all you can say about it is what really caught my attention? the demonstration. msu was the only school where students gave a demonstration. that sounds like a snow job by someone who was there, but on their cell phone when the demonstration was going on so can't really mention any specifics.

you did not answer the question: what i perceive to be the most challenging about nursing school. and, believe me, a university program wants to be sure you can whip up an essay. in a bsn program you'll be writing lots, and i mean lots, of papers.