Personal statement!!… proofread? tips??

[rubirosee, BSN]

I'm applying to grad school and a personal statement is required. I would just like some feedback please!  Here's the prompt and my statement  Thank you in advance! 

The essay should address: 1) why you chose to complete a graduate degree in your selected area of specialization at the University of South Alabama; 2) a current healthcare/practice issue or focus within the nursing specialty which you are passionate about; and 3) how your training/degree completion at the University of South Alabama will enable you to achieve your goals and impact the selected healthcare/practice issue or focus within your specialty.

 

When we are younger we are often asked what we would like to be when we grow up. For me, it was to either be an OB/GYN, midwife, or truly any career that involved taking care of women. My journey has led me to pursue a career in nursing, which aligns with my core values that involve taking a holistic approach to the care that I give to my patients. Being that my nursing background is medical-surgical, it has given me a strong foundation in nursing and the opportunity to take care of a wide variety of patients. While working as a medical-surgical nurse, I noticed that there is a knowledge deficit in women and that they are not comfortable asking questions about their gynecological health, especially minorities and the LGBTQ community. I am finally pursuing my dreams of making a difference in women's health as a provider. The reason why I am choosing to further my education as a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner is to empower women by being a provider who allows them to make informed decisions about their bodies and health. I have selected your program because the University of South Alabama is known for delivering high quality education in healthcare and promotes their graduate students to engage in current and future research. 

There are countless healthcare issues and controversies involving women's health. The one issue that I am most passionate about involves the inequality, discrimination, and limited access to reproductive healthcare that lesbian and bisexual women face. Reproductive services and treatments may be expensive for lesbian and bisexual women due to the inequality of healthcare insurance policies (“ACOG Committee Opinion", 2012). A knowledge deficit is prevalent in this community because of the discrimination that they face, which leads to poor rapport between the patients and their providers. Lesbian and bisexual women often do not understand the health risks associated with reproductive health because of the lack of education from their providers. According to The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (2012), if healthcare providers are not going to provide fertility treatments to lesbian and bisexual women, they should at least refer them so that they can receive appropriate services (p.1077). I strongly believe that reproductive health should not be limited due to sexual orientation.  

Obtaining my Women's Health Nurse Practitioner degree at the University of South Alabama supports my commitment to ensuring that all women, regardless of sexual orientation, will receive inclusive and accessible healthcare. Being an advanced practice registered nurse will allow me to have more autonomy and be a catalyst for change. I believe that the University of South Alabama will provide me with a solid foundation to truly make a difference in women's health. Furthering my education will allow me to make the most of my nursing career by building on my leadership skills, advancing my critical thinking and expanding my knowledge in the science of nursing. I aim to continuously educate myself and be a reliable resource for patients and their families regarding health information about sexual orientation and gender-related issues. My ultimate goal is to break down barriers, promote equality, and foster a healthcare environment for women that prioritizes inclusivity and a safe space.