Personal Statement - Need Feedback

[asdfjazz]

Hello, I am currently applying to an Masters of Nursing-Entry Level Program and I would appreciate any feedback on my draft! This is a program for pre-nursing students with a non-nursing B.S degree that will achieve a RN and a MSN degree. This is one of the questions this particular school asks.

2. Explain your motivation for graduate study to become a nurse.

As I walked into my patient's room, I witnessed a frail, middle-aged man who was anxious to leave the nursing facility. As a part of my duties as an Emergency Medical Technician, I approached him and introduced myself, explaining to him that he was to be discharged and transported via ambulance under my care. The man grazed my hand with earnestness and tells me, Get me out of here.” He went on to tell me that he had been mistreated and at one point– he was not given water because he had soiled his sheets. I was taken aback by his feedback about the nursing care of the facility. Given his age, the man appreciated his independence and was visibly embarrassed by his incontinence. However, while he was recovering from a stroke, it was something he had no control over. I was staggered by the lack of compassion towards patients in that facility. However, the more I worked as an EMT and transported patients to and from several healthcare facilities, I came to realize that this lack of empathy is quite common and is typically overlooked unless the patient or family reports the issue. I find this kind of care absolutely unacceptable and I am determined to pursue an impacting role in nursing to prevent such management of patients.

When a patient comes in to the clinic or hospital, they expect to obtain a solution to whatever medical issue they are facing. Without actually asking for it explicitly, patients also want to know they will be well taken care of, and that their problems will be heard. Nurses are at the forefront” of caregivers in healthcare and fully understand their patients from their admission to their discharge. A profession within medicine that allows for this amount of personal impact and interaction is nursing. Out of all the healthcare professions, nursing stood out to me because of the model of personal care it embodies. I truly believe patients should be seen as individuals rather than diseases to be cured. I want to help them as a whole and provide care and support in their times of need, but as well as provide them treatment and education for preventative care. While the nursing field continues to expand over time with additional responsibilities, the ability to diagnose, treat, and manage remains at a graduate level. By pursuing a Nurse Practitioner role, the extended scope of practice in this field will allow me to educate and further benefit the healing process. I intend to complement the medical team by exemplifying values of empathy and ethical conduct with holistic treatment.

Altogether, this particular experience as an EMT combined with the hours in a distinguished ophthalmic clinic, interning at the community hospital and medical trip in Peru, has confirmed my motivation to pursue graduate level nursing. As a graduate level nurse, I see myself at a better level of understanding medical treatment along with establishing an uplifting environment. I believe in teamwork that is driven by positive, effective and considerate workers, which ultimately can improve patient's treatment. I intend to prevent any negligence and promote care that respects the patient as an individual; and as a person who is not just a patient but somebody's parent, friend, spouse or child. One nurse's actions can overshadow others, impacting the patient's experience and opinion of the hospital or the facility. In order to heal effectively, patients should feel safe and at ease knowing that they are in good hands. Medicine can treat the patient physically but it is the nurse's reliability, empathy and kindness that are key components in the healing process.

[Jackie012]

It is written well. But may I wonder why don't you ask specialists to help you with proofreading and editing it? That would be a way easier. Personally, I've tried Supreme essay service. Those guys do a great job. So you can give them a try. Good luck!

[BrendanO, MSN, RN]

If I were an admissions officer, I might be put off by this essay. Your first paragraph makes it sound like you're entering the nursing field because you think it's broken and needs to be fixed. It lacks humility and compassion for the existing caregivers in the field. Your perceived experience with lack of empathy may have nothing to do with individual nurses who "just don't care" and everything to do with staffing ratios, low pay, and bad corporate management. I'd be careful positioning myself as the savior of nursing before I'd ever formally studied it.

I'd also try to re-work some of the sentences where you're talking about "medicine". Nurses (legally and philosophically) don't practice medicine (MDs/DOs/PAs do), they practice nursing. Nursing is not "within medicine"; both are within healthcare. That might seem a minor semantic point, but some nurses care very much about the distinction.