Personal Essay Help

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"He can't breath hook him up to oxygen stat!" Some familiar words as I watched my brother who was seven months old who had many complicatons from birth. From his birth to eight years of age he was in and out of hospitals. Watching the way these nurses diligently put smiles on his face, made him comfortable, and helped him heal every time he was hospitalized was amazing to watch. This showed me that this profession is something so kind, so genuine, and makes a difference in the lives of others. This is something that I need to do.

At the young age of 17 I had the responsibility of a high school course load, college course load, as well as a full time position. I had learned time management, handling stress, as well as organization. Things became rough for me and events that occurred turned my life upside down. I had been hospitalized for several conditions and my grades had begun to drop. I felt hopeless, unconfident, and at times felt like giving up. When sitting and asking myself other options for a career I always came back to nursing. I knew deep in my heart this is something I need to do. I was reassured of this decision when at my appointments the nurses who took care of me always encouraged me to pursue my dreams, gave me tips and advice, as well as always help me heal more than just exterior wounds.

I had one of two options to quit and give up nursing and let that define me or to push forward and continue through. I had decided to continue. I retook several classes I had not done well in and excelled. I took classes not required for my degree to help prepare me to become a better nurse. I completed my certified nursing assistant certification, H.I.V/AIDS training, CPR certification. I volunteered at the hospital when an interpreter was needed when Spanish interpreters were not available. I did this all while taking a position 45 minutes away from my home as a full time health information management representative for the Franciscan Healthcare System. The knowledge and experienced I gained in the hospital assured me that nursing was still something I need to do. I have completed over 100 hours of volunteer work for an organization called Las Molas where we would perform cultural dances and all proceeds from the ticket sales were donated back to our country of Panama. Our organization also donated food to local food banks, hospitals, and orphanages. I will be starting to volunteer for a hospital I work for soon.

My ultimate goal is to earn a BSN in nursing and join the United States Air Force to help families all across the world.I have grown ultimately as a person and discovered what it is that I need to do to succeed and learned that my hardships will ultimately make me a greater nurse. As I enter my last quarter of school I will do so with confidence knowing I am gaining the skills and knowledge to become a great nurse as well as to help enrich the lives of others. Thank you

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Specializes in Emergency.

What is HIV/AIDS training? I ask this because there is AAVHIM which requires MD/NP/PA level. Is the training just knowledge over the infection and disease?

Honestly, it's a great essay and shows why you want to be a nurse and what you plan on doing when you finish.

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Hi there ! The H.I.V/AIDS training was this course we had to complete during my CNA certification before we could start clinicals. It was basic knowledge of the disease and how to protect ourselves. Thank you though :)

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Specializes in Emergency.

Ah, I see. Kind of like microbiology. Just don't be one of those students who is so afraid of the disease that you ALWAYS wear gloves or a gown during the patient. We have several students in my program who think it would be OK to always wear gloves when you have a patient with HIV. ****** me off.

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lol I know what you mean actually becoming a nurse that is my biggest fear. But when I started working in HIM and walking around the hospital I realized there people who unfortunately have this disease. I should be no more scared of them than anyone else.

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No offense, but I'm not entirely sure why you are asking fellow prospective students to help you with your essay instead of a resource at school (we had a writing center and a career center where there were people there to help you with your personal statements/resumes/etc. I just feel like we aren't the best people to critique your essay.

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Also, you had one spelling error-- it's breathe, not breath. And I think you may need commas in some places, and some sentences might be fragments (I say might because I'm not an English scholar, but from what I read, it appears to be an incomplete sentence.)

I hope I wasn't too harsh!

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It's okay I need feedback on the content the application is due soon and can't get to the writing center and I work full time an have school full time so finding time for anything else is hard

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Good Essay! It explains why your heart is steering you toward a rewarding career in Nursing. It also explains any academic bumps in the road you may have encountered.

I do agree with the other poster, you may want to double check your sentence structure. I also saw where you may have needed to add some commas or reworded the sentence.

Overall, your essay has good bones, just need to tweak it a little :-)

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