Past med error... hindering my confidence for ICU

[ruralgirl08]

Hi, I am thinking about going into the ICU in the future, I had some training there as a student, did very well, was even offered a new grad position (I didn't take it), and I loved it. But one of the things that scares me the most about going to ICU is making a med error. I have made one med error on a medical floor, which I caught very quickly, disclosed right away, and there was no harm done to the pt. But it was a huge blow to my confidence as a nurse. It scared the crap out of me. I realize there were certain circumstances leading up to the error, distraction the biggest, and I was having anxiety about a situation that was about to happen to me.

Story: It was my first real nursing job out of school, I was there for about 4 mos., I was asked by a doc, if I would volunteer to be a "patient" so he could test the emergency ultrasound machine in the ED, this was in very small rural facility, and it hadn't been used yet. (I worked on the medical floor) I was taking my TNCC course at the time, and heard of this diagnostic tool, and felt it would be a good learning expereince. He said he "asked everyone, and I was the last person." I felt like I should been a keen learner and go for it. This doc was nice, but a huge flirt, but there was going to be another nurse present. Well, once I said ok, I found out by the other nurses he only asked another young pretty nurse and me. The older nurse I was working with was saying he was just a pervert, ect. At that point I completely regretted, volunteering b/c I didn't want to be sexually harassed, if this was the case, but I also had to work with this doc quite often. Right when I was called down for the test I was dispensing 1700 meds, I made a med error. Gave a pt. an 0800 dose @ 1700. I caught it right away when I got back, I had signed for it and everything. Felt like a huge idiot. Well, the test went ok, but the doc did ask to "check my femoral artery" which I said "No, we work together, and I just don't feel comfortable." After it was done and I went back to the floor, I found my error. I had to then go to this doc,and and tell him I made a med error. Needless to say I was crushed as a nurse, I have always been calm in emergency situations, always double checked my meds, very good with other people in crisis, but when my own safety was a concern, I crumbled.

This first job was a temp. position to begin with, and I did not tell my manager about the ?sexual harassment piece, b/c I didn't want to use it as an excuse. She did tell me I needed to focus more, and I was let go when my contract was done. Since then I have gained more confidence as a nurse, "if it doesn't feel right its not," and I haven't (cross my fingers) made an error since.

But the thing that scares me the most, which is holding me back from fulfilling a future ICU dream is: What if I was in a critical care setting, what if that was an insulin drip or something else. Any thoughts? Also for those that have made a error in ICU.... how did you get over it? How did you regain self confidence/self trust as a nurse?

[nursebethat]

I would print this up and put it in a folder...then keep a secret journal. If if gets bad or he wants to hold something against you (because when they feel rejected or angry, they can set you up) you have this documented and use it as a defense for retaliation by this doc.

[ruralgirl08]

Hi, I actually got let go from this job no to long after, so I won't have to do this. My contract probation period was extended to as long as they needed me, so I never qualified for union. I was covering a mat leave, then I was let go. This med error was used as an example of me not being up to snuff, it made it easier to let me go. (I also had alot of respect for my boss at the time, since as she was a former ICU nurse). I did not bring up the other details about the doc, ect, because I didn't want to open that can of worms. My problem is now, my confidence took a huge blow, I am now working in a great facility, and I haven't made any errors this far, but I still want to one day pursue ICU. How long after does it take for you to trust yourself after a med error. I really want to go to ICU, but what if I made an error there? How could I forgive myself or get over that? This whole expereince as a new nurse was kind of traumatizing, and a real confidence killer.

[April, RN, BSN, RN]

Well, as unfortunate it is to make a med error, there is a positive side to it. You were lucky that the med error didn't cause any harm to the patient and it has caused you to be very aware of the importance of the 5 rights of medication administration. Everyone makes mistakes. You learned from yours and you can take that lesson with you when you move on to the ICU!