nursing student needs advice on personal anxiety and patient empathy

[medstudentcutter]

Dear Nurses,

I have a rather bizarre question. I entered into the medical field as an EMT, trained to handle emergencies, but I never worked as an EMT do emergencies, only sick patient transport. It was during that time that I saw unspeakable diseases, violations of bioethics, and things that there are no cures for. I was like a child mentally entering the medical field. I never knew about such really bad medical conditions and people rotting away in nursing homes. I really would freak about dealing with sub acutes in pvs. I could not tell if they were alive or dead. I started having anxiety attacks and feeling that I could not breathe. Every time I would see someone on tv start having breathing problems I would start feeling the same things. I went through a period of clinical depression, but I got over that. I am still left with dizzying anxiety if I enter a hospital. I was able to overcome it during my first semester of RN school but now I am my anxiety is back and I feel out of control to ride in a car without being the one behind the wheel, and I feel really crowded and claustrophobic in elevators. I even was too afraid to ride the subway last time. I never had any of these anxiety or depression symptoms before I started nursing school. I also did a blood draw one time and I had to lean against the wall during the stick because I thought I was going to faint. I really feel too much empathy for people. this is a huge problem. I wish I was a robot person and could stab with no regards to their feelings like stabbing a piece of chicken on your dinner plate. I will say that the best day I ever had in nursing school was discharging a pt because I had never seen anyone get well before in a hospital setting. It was a great feeling. I rolled her out the door in a wheelchair to her boyfriend truck. and that was the last I ever say of her. (aka she lived happlier ever after for all I know).

I really want to help people and I do not want to waste all of this pre nursing classes that i have taken. please write with any advice that is not drug related, because I have done the prozac, lexapro, and zoloft. Remember, drugs only hide the symptoms, they never fix the real problem in psych problems.

Should I go do something else with my life and forget these diseases and suffering exist or should I go back into nursing or a parallel field???

thanks

the anxiety filled RN nursing drop out student.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

Honestly? It sounds to me like you have some serious issues to deal with prior to being in a place where you can reasonably and safely do the job of a nurse. Since you are wishing for pathways other than drugs, I encourage you to seek psychological counseling. As to whether you have to give up on nursing all together, that isn't for any of us to say. It isn't for everyone and with your issues it very well may not be for you. However, I suspect if you had never entered this profession you still would have anxiety issues directed toward other things. Seek the help you need and the rest of your life will follow. I wish you well.

[CBsMommy]

I have had anxiety in the past and had the symptoms that you have. Short of breath, feeling of dread, etc. My symptoms were manifested from taking on too much responsibility and not allowing myself to ever relax. It took me a long time in therapy to learn how to control those feelings. If I still had your level of anxiety and entered nursing school, it would have sent me over the edge for sure. Look for a good counselor to discuss these feelings with and, while it will take a while and some hard work, you should be able to live a life without those terrible feelings. Good luck!

[Jivane]

I'm currently in nursing, and have had anxiety all my life. Unfortunately, my nursing program 'strongly discourages' (AKA: Doesn't allow) any kind of prescription medication that 'alters the state of mind,' during school/clinical, so any anxiety medications were out for me. However, I found healthy ways to deal with my anxiety--LOTS of time on a treadmill, yoga, and healthy relationships.

It seems like your anxiety is much more deeply rooted. I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist. If you make it very clear that you are not interested in medications, they should be able to set you up a 'coping plan,' to help you work through your anxiety. You need to have a healthy way of dealing with your own emotions and actions, before trusting yourself with other peoples' lives.

If you cannot work through these issues, then I would recommend going in to an alternative field. Teaching, Social Work, and Therapy can both be fulfilling positions of 'helping people,' without having to be involved in some of your anxiety triggers.