Nursing student with Lupus

[maybe4]

When I began this journey, I had not yet been diagnosed. During the summer directly before starting my LPN nursing core, we found out I have Sjogren's, and then the following spring I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and symptomatic Lupus (my blood work has not yet "proven" Lupus, but I have 5 out of the ten markers). Sometimes, I feel like a train wreck.

In addition, I am a wife and mother (4 children ages 10-18).

I know what I am supposed to do to take care of myself, although that too seems to change occasionally, but I get so overloaded with everything I have to do. I graduate in May with my RN, and am planning to go forward with my BSN, to my master's in Midwifery while working at least part-time as an RN.

Here is the hard part. Lupus is such a variant disease! Some days I am so tired, and hurt so bad I just want to stay in bed, and other days I feel as normal as I do these days and I can push myself a little bit. But, it is REALLY hard to explain to my instructors, my fellow students, and the nurses I am working with during clinicals what my limitations might be, because today I might not need to alter what/how I do something, and tomorrow I might not be able to do that same task at all.

My frustration with this disease is equally comparable to my frustration with how others react. Even with those who seem to understand, it often feels like they believe I am overreacting, or playing up my limitations.

This has been especially true this semester, as I flared the first week in January, and part of my flare includes heart palpitations/PVC's. So now on top of seeing my primary care provider, and my rheumatologist, I will be seeing a cardiologist to rule out pericarditis.

Through it all, I am working hard to make the grades, get the paperwork done, attend the clinicals, prepare for my boards, take care of my family, and take care of myself. Needless to say I am completely and totally overwhelmed! I feel whiny, and yet I also know it is bad to keep these feelings held in.

I know that if I had been diagnosed before I began my journey to my RN, I would not have. However, there are many days when my motivation to get up and moving is my obligations, and that keeps me going.

[jewelspassion]

first of all you are awesome, it's not easy to be sick & push on, that alone makes you different, seperate from many. This is you right n ow-you are doing all you can to survive-get out survival mode & move on to living mode. easier said than done-yes! possible-yes!! are you tired overwhelmed-yes! how you are feeling is how any of us would feel in t whe heat of the moment. i've been sick for 2 years, not with fibromalagia but i know how it is to be so consumed with what will happen tomorrow or what has happen yesterday. don't be afraid to vent or ask for help, you are doing the impossible in so many eyes, you can do it, don't be afraid, don't let fear get the best of you, you've made it this far, don't stop!!! I'll pray for you-i have a few close friends who have lupus-it's been a battle but they own lupus it doesn't own them. Remember it's okay to give up & not be so strong-you're weakness will make you strong in many ways that you won't understand now.

xoxoxo you are in my prayers, ur family also, ur not drowning, ur living-u can do it!:redpinkhe

[Coriander, BSN, RN]

Big, huge hugs. You're doing amazing things. xoxo

[Each1Teach1]

I totally understand your frustration. I am a Nursing student and I have Lupus and Raynaud's syndrome. At work, at school, at clinicals...and sometimes even at home, it feels as though the people around me think I'm exagerrating my feelings. I try not to complain despite all the pain I go through (sometimes my joints lock or get really stiff), but I end of being forced to voice how I feel when I'm given a task that I know I can't do. I feel as though sometimes the people around me feel that I'm making up excuses.

To be completely honest, I just failed my 3rd semester of nursing school by 1 point. Why? Because I'm so tired and I'm on so many medications. Sometimes I just couldn't get up to study or my migraines prevented me from opening my textbook. And now the sadness from not being able to graduate with my classmates on time has caused my body to flare up. I wish people would understand but I can't force them to. People see what they want I'm not asking for pity. I'm asking for understanding.

Maybe4, you sound like a strong woman! You'll make it through. You're definitely in my prayers :)

[maybe4]

Oh I'm so sorry about your not being able to continue right now. Understanding failing by 1 point is really difficult, isn't it? About as difficult as trying to explain an autoimmune rheumatoid disease to those who don't have it.

Sounds like you too are an amazing woman and have worked hard. Take time for yourself now, heal and recuperate and start back at it again next year! I'm sure you will make it in stellar form.

[Each1Teach1]

Thank you, maybe4, you made me smile.

I guess all these ailments happen for a reason? For me, Lupus gives me a better understanding of what kind of pain my potential patients and even just the people around me may experience. It helps me to be compassionate and empathy is always better than sympathy.