Scholarship Essay

  1. i need some help from my fellow nursing members. i am applying for a scholarship to help with nursing school and like most scholarships you must answer an essay question. i would just like everyone's on my essay that i wrote. don't be afraid to speak up and say, "hey this essay really sucks!" keep in mind that it is shorter than most because we only have about half of a page to write it in. oh by the way the topic is "why you want to be a nurse". alright here it goes:

    on the 27th of june, 2009, my little brother will be deployed, over seas to serve our country. as i look back at the time-line of my family, i realize that serving our country has become an honored tradition. grandfathers, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, have all served in a branch of the military. i "am" proud of what sacrifices they have "gave for other's". the feeling of serving our country must run deep in my family's veins, because i also have the yearning, in my heart to serve people! this is my way of giving back to my country and man kind. if i can just help one person live, then i will have done more than i ever thought i could do. so, while my brother is on the front lines defending our country, i will be also fighting my own battle of becoming the best nurse i can be.

    so what do you think or ? i am trying not to be too cheesy but put some feeling into it.
    thanks in advance for taking the time to help me out :d
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    About ssullyorthoRN

    Joined: Feb '09; Posts: 35; Likes: 48
    RN Ortho Floor; from US
    Specialty: 4 year(s) of experience in LTC, Orthopedics


  3. by   Daytonite
    it has a punctuation and spelling error and the majority of the essay is about your brother, your family and serving the country. i take it that it is your idea of what you think nurses do. what is your motivation other than pride, sacrifice and feeling of wanting to serve our country? are these the traits you are showcasing and want the nursing school to consider in you as an applicant? seriously, i would be impressed if you were applying for a military position, but we are talking about becoming a nurse! yes, nurses do serve people. nurses take care of individuals. from reading your essay i get the impression that you have very little idea of what it is that nurses do. if i were one of the people considering applications i would not be impressed. most nurses talk about having an inner need to help others who are in pain or ill. rns are managers of patient care and great solvers of patient problems. here are the ideal qualities for a nurse, some of which you should strive for and mention in your essay:
    i have mentioned before that this student poem is painted on the wall of the hall of my local hospital that pays honor to nursing history and the former nursing school that once was here:
    the reason for this little verse
    is very plain to see
    i thought i'd like to be a nurse
    to serve humanity
  4. by   ssullyorthoRN
    Thank you for your much needed . I was trying to put a more creative touch on it than just "oh I want to help others". I guess I was trying to relate the fact that my family took care of others and I wanted to do that also (wasn't doing a good job at that obviously :smackingf). I will take in to careful consideration of your wise words and make it a more personal essay.
    By no means do I think that is what Nursing is about.
    Sometimes it takes someone you don't know to :trout: because the DH looks at it and says, "Looks fine to me."
    Thanks once again
  5. by   Daytonite
    i forgot that this thread existed. at one time i think it was a sticky. it resurfaced in the general nursing discussion forum today. you might want to read some of the posts on it to get some ideas for your essay. some of the stuff on here is what the readers of applications to nursing school are looking for.