Nursing school essay

[ashelly]

What do you think about my essay for nursing school on "why you want to become a nurse?" . Please comment your suggestions it'll be a great help for me. Thank you so much.

Being a Nurse Is More Than a Job, It's a lifetime Treasure and achievement. The advantages of a profession of lifetime learning, headway openings, work adaptability, and aiding those in require. Nursing has always been my passion since I was a little girl. I remember my family and I were informed that my 86-year-old great-grandmother has slipped in the bathroom and cracked her spinal bone. I was really in a big shock when I heard about it because she was always very careful and cautious about everything she did, excluding the fact that she was really old. I was at the time was on my summer vacation after fourth grade. I remember my great-grandmother as abrupt, and physically active. It was now time for someone to take care of her. Knowing that her condition is going to deteriorate, I took initiative to take really good care of her during my summer vacation. Everyday I fed her as directed by my parents, watch her favorite show on television. It gave me the feeling of gracious nurturing that I would want other people to receive if they were sick. Unfortunately, she passed away when I was a week away to go to my fifth grade. I knew I truly touched her heart, because I could see that in her eyes during the days I took care of her.

People want to have a sense of relief leaving their loved ones in the hospital and I want to be that person that will assure them that their loved one is in great hands. During my first year in college, I came to know about the volunteering opportunity at a hospital near me. I went to the orientation and started to volunteer there. I was assigned to volunteer at a ward and it was totally a new experience for me. I encountered with patients who came from different backgrounds and happened to meet their families. I was able to help patients with feeding. They started to talk to me as if I am their family member. Until then I didn't know even a volunteer could make a difference in people's life. When I see these people being happy because they had someone to talk to in a room of machines it fulfills my heart. That was the time I truly believed that Nurses are angels on earth. If I ever become what I dreamed of all these years, I would do only my best to make a difference in people's life.

[FutureNurseInfo]

1. Your intro is too long: in fact, it appears to be half of your essay.

2. Make sure to proof read: you capitalized some words in the middle of your sentences; do not capitalize the word "Nurses" - it does not have an impact whatsoever.

3. Make sure your essay is coherent: some of your verb choices are confusing: example "fulfills my heart".

4. Make sure your subjects agree with their verbs. Also, if you describe events in the past, make sure all your verbs are in the past tense.

Not sure what this sentence means: "The advantages of a profession of lifetime learning, headway openings, work adaptability, and aiding those in require. "

Remember, hundreds of essays DO begin like yours above. Think of a unique lead that will truly HOOK the reader.

I hope it helps!

[ashelly]

Thank you so so much for the reply. I had finals and work thus took time to revise my essay. I didn't make a lot of difference because i try to be genuine as possible. Please review this revised essay and leave your comments.

This is my dream job. I know I have strong potential to become a nurse. Nursing has always been my passion since I was a little girl. I remember when I had to take care of my grandmother when she slipped in her bathroom. Taking responsibility on someone's health is most risky and doing it right requires patience and knowledge. I have patience and now I'm working on my knowledge.

People want to have a sense of relief leaving their loved ones in the hospital and I want to be that person that will assure them that their loved one is in great hands. During my experience volunteering at a local hospice I realised that palliative care is a wonderful area to work in, definitely not sad and depressing as many seem to think! I was assigned to volunteer at a ward and it was totally a new experience for me. I encountered with patients who came from different backgrounds and happened to meet their families. I was able to help patients with feeding. They started to talk to me as if I am their family member. Until then I didn't know even a volunteer could make a difference in people's life. That was the time I truly believed that nurses are angels on earth. If I ever become what I dreamed of all these years, I would do only my best to make a difference in people's life.