Nursing school essay help!

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Hello everyone! I was wondering if anyone could read over my short essay for a post-bac nursing program. This program is my dream program so it has to be the best that I can do! This prompt is to just describe the three reasons you want to be a nurse and the max is 300 words. I feel like I have a lot to say about my first point but I'm not sure how to expand on my second two because I feel like they're pretty straight forward.

my essay:

My first reason that I want to be a nurse is because I want to help people. I have learned that even the smallest things can bring about a positive change for someone. Seeing how nurses can change someone's life has greatly influenced me to pursue nursing. In 2011, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer and faced a long road to recovery but received support from an amazing oncology nurse. The nurse was caring, compassionate and there for my Mom through her treatments. She provided support on every level for my Mom and our family and even helped me through a cancer scare during my undergrad. This one person was able to make such an impact on my family and I wish to do the same for others as a nurse. I have also had the experience of seeing how I am capable of this with my residents and their families. There is no greater joy to me than learning that I helped someone's family member. Secondly, nursing specifically appeals to my academic drive and love of learning. As a nurse, I will constantly be learning new things in the classroom, in clinical settings and from my patients. I want a career where I can take my scientific knowledge and apply it to helping people. My third reason is that nursing is a diverse and challenging field. I know that as a nurse I would be able to expand my learning and skills in countless ways, such receiving my masters, entering a new specialty or doing research just to name a few. Nursing would always provide a challenge and new direction that I can take. (275 words so far)

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg.

It's actually pretty good. I would literally just delete your first sentence, just cut it and start with that second sentence. Then brush up the wording/sentence structure of the ending (everything after "Secondly"). Just tidy it up so it's not a choppy grouping of short sentences.

Nicely done.

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It's actually pretty good. I would literally just delete your first sentence, just cut it and start with that second sentence. Then brush up the wording/sentence structure of the ending (everything after "Secondly"). Just tidy it up so it's not a choppy grouping of short sentences.

Nicely done.

I agree, delete the first sentence! It sounds too cliche. Your second sentence would be a good opener :)

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I agree. Ditch the first sentence-- they know why you're writing, and EVERYBODY says that -- and then for the love of god, use your return key to make it into three paragraphs.

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and then for the love of god, use your return key to make it into three paragraphs.

this was my rough draft thats why i didnt put those in yet

but thanks everyone for the positive comments, i really did not think it was very good but now i feel a lot better about it!

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