Cover letter - Is less better

  1. I am using a writing service to rewrite my cover letter for new grad/entry level positions. I finally received a draft and I feel like its too vague and not personable to me and my skills or experiences. I also feel like its very short. I just wanted to know if anyone can tell me if its better to be have 3 simple paragraphs and not talk about any specific experience. I feel like this letter is very generalized and is better to be simple and generalized?

    Also if you can look at this draft and tell me your thoughts on whether its a good cover letter to send out for new grad/entry level RN positions.

    Hospital Name

    To Whom It May Concern,

    It is my understanding that ________________ is searching for a qualified RN to fill its' ___________________ position. With my resourceful attitude and professionalism in the healthcare arena, coupled with my general nursing best practices and skills, I feel that I would be a strong asset to Long Beach Memorial's nursing staff.

    Having exposure to a variety of medical units during my clinical rotations, provided a footprint into the nuances of nursing . I am a quick-study and am always open to learning new and improved ways of skilled nursing procedures. I take a very forward-thinking approach to my responsibilities and ensure the value of patient care is at the forefront of every one of my tasks. I am confident that if given the opportunity to join your team, my passion and desire to impact healthcare and humanity, will show through my educating, implementing and assisting Long Beach Memorial's patient health and wellness practice.

    Please review my nursing credentials in the attached resume. I look forward to hearing about possible next steps to move forward in the hiring process. Your time and consideration are greatly appreciated.


    Sana Alam
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    About sanaalam

    Joined: Sep '12; Posts: 17; Likes: 1


  3. by   llg
    I agree with you. It's a nice length ... but it says nothing that reflects you as an individual. It sounds like it was written by a company that mass produces generic letters for no one in particular -- a waste of your money. If I were the recipient, I would disregard it as it says essentially nothing.
  4. by   mclennan
    You're already at a big disadvantage being a new grad. This letter will only make it worse. It's too long, too vague and too fake. We sometimes get 500+ resumes with cover letters per open position, and we don't even hire new grads.

    Shorten it, make it about you, and most importantly, write it yourself. You won't be able to hire someone to chart for you. You MUST know how to write, and write well, to be successful in nursing.
  5. by   sanaalam
    Thank you for your response mclennan,

    My own cover letters have been this length or a bit longer. I thought this was too short. How can it be shorter and still convey my strengths and talk about any particular experiences that relate to the position?
  6. by   llg
    Omit the stuff that "describes" you because everyone says they have critical thinking skills, are hard working, compassionate, etc. Everyone describes themselves that way and when you are describing yourself, you have no credibility. So get rid of all those self-praising statements. Instead, focus on things you have DONE and qualities/skills that you can bring to the job that are different from the qualities that everybody else says they will bring.

    For example, did you finish highly ranked in your graduating class? Have a high GPA? Win any awards? etc. Are you planning a long-term career in that specialty? Did you spend time on that particular unit as a student? (and therefore, have some familiarity with the patient population and their care). Are you willing/able to work any shift?

    Start by brainstorming a list of things that make you a better choice than the other people who are applying for that job. If I were to ask you the question, "Why should I choose to interview and possibly hire you rather than the other 25 applicants?" What would you say? Answer the question for yourself -- and use your cover letter to convey that answer to the hiring manager in a brief way that is quick and easy to read.
  7. by   joanna73
    While your cover letters should be concise, they need to be tailored to you and the organization you're applying for. Look over the values and mission statement of the organization. Pick two or three and briefly describe how you fit.


    Leadership: mentored staff, implemented a new policy, in charge.

    Patient Focused: Did you exceed customer service or patient care in some way?

    Collaboration: How do you work with others? Did you work on a project, and what was the outcome?

    Just examples, but again, you need to consider how your attributes fit the needs of that organization. Are you taking a related course?

    We are all critical thinkers, problem solvers, compassionate to some extent or we wouldn't have made it through school. You've got to interest the reader beyond the generic.

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