More than a decade ago I gave birth to a stillborn 28 wk baby girl. Her twin, my son, was blue on delivery. I was 17, alone and terrified. This tiny thing came out of me and he wasn't moving. I asked my nurse, "Is he going to make it?". Her reply, "In a few seconds honey, you're not going to care.", as she pushed something into my IV. That was only the beginning of a nightmare introduction to healthcare. Doc's told me he would be profoundly retarded due to a brain bleed. They decided he couldn't go home after telling me he could. They spoke of my son as a process and acted as if I was nonexistant. Even with all that I was in awe of some of the nurses. The ones that encouraged me to read my high school homework to him over hours spent in NICU. The ones that told me I'd be a good mom.
I was one of 250 accepted to a nursing program 2 yrs later. Five yrs later I was one of 11 that made it through. Now, six years after becoming an RN I'm beginning to realize that what that nurse said to me is horribly prophetic of our profession. The nurse was concerned with everything EXCEPT my well being. I went into nursing to nurture, protect, comfort, and by the grace of God...make a difference.
I walked into the break room this morning and overheard a comment about how many good nurses we've lost. Could that be our own fault? Certainly not! It's the GHP's, poloticians, stress, pay...etc. Everything but the fact that we are a group of caring people who eat our own! My first place of employment lost a good nurse. I applied for a transfer after 5yrs of service for vent kids. I was denied that transfer (which put me less than 5 miles from work to home) because...I quote..."We can't find anyone else to put up with the house mother where you are." My drive would stay 30 miles one way. I resigned. The second, I was the only nurse to show one weekend for a nursing home of 51 patients. I called my boss. She said, "That's not my problem." The next day I made my resignation letter her problem. So here I go again. Seven months into a critical care residency. I am constantly having to prove myself to other nurses. This is good. We all need to know that our back-up is knowledgeable. But I continue to see nurses talk badly of each other behind each others backs and then smile to their faces. I hear "That's not my patient" so they don't go stop the IV from beeping. We ask the prn nurse to come do a procedure so we can go on break. The patient is left on the bedpan because his overwhelmed nurse is busy in another room and the rest are "busy" charting. We are fierce about status. I'm an RN NOT an LPN, therefore it is not my job to go clean up the incontinent patient. Well, it IS our job! Do we want more nurses? No, the new ones don't know what they're doing. We don't want to work with them. Maybe if we start talking about how wonderful it is to have the support of our peers more will join us. I would feel more welcome as a goldfish in a tank of baracudas. I persist because when I walk in a patient room my peers fade and it's just the patient, me and my passion. I am trying, learning every day. I am there for ALL patients. I am there for all nurses. I go to rally's, meetings, and have joined the WSNA and ANA to solve our shortage but am getting absolutely nowhere. This leads me to believe that the shortage isin't due to all the causes we're looking at. I hear from all of you that we should band together and make our patients aware of the danger they're in. That is true. But maybe, just maybe, could it be due to the fact that we feel threatened by each other. Should each of us look inward and start with ourselves instead of shouting together? I emplore veteran nurses to not eat your young. If you don't like how we work TEACH US! Take us under your wing and be a mentor. Someone taught you.
My son is now 13. He is an honor role student and anything but profoundly retarded. He is a miracle brought about by our profession and medicine.
