You know you've joined a pretty cheap a$$ health plan when...

  1. Pedal-powered dialysis machines.

    Use of antibiotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure."

    Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace."

    You ask for Viagra. You get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.

    Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

    Exam room has a tip jar.

    You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on the instrument tray just before the anesthesia kicked in.

    "Will you be paying in eggs or pelts?"

    Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers.

    "Take two leeches and call me in the morning."

    The company logo features a hand squeezing a bleeding turnip.

    Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

    Radiation treatment for cancer patients requires them to walk around with a postcard from Chernobyl in their pocket.

    "Pre-natal vitamin" prescription is a box of Tic-Tacs.

    Chief Surgeon graduated from University of Benihana.

    Directions to your doctor's office include, "take a left when you enter the trailer park."

    Doctor listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.

    Only item listed under Preventive Care feature of coverage is "an apple a day."

    Only participating Physicians are Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine.

    Only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

    Plan covers only "group" gynecological exams.

    Preprinted prescription pads that say "Walk it off, candy a$$."

    To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat culture, the doctor just French kisses you.

    Recycled bandages

    You can get your flu shot as soon as the hypodermic needle is dry.

    Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to goodwill last month.

    24-hour claims line is 1-800-TUF-LUCK

    Costly MRI equipment efficiently replaced by an oversized 2-sided copier.

    Enema? The lavatory faucet swivels to face upward.
  2. Visit betts profile page

    About betts

    Joined: Oct '01; Posts: 1,024; Likes: 20
    Nursing Mgmt.


  3. by   wildesmanznurse

    Somebody give me mouth to mouth.

    I am on the floor laughing my arse to death!

    Ehehehe! Does this mean I have to return the steristrips when I'm done with them?
  4. by   micro
    betts, this one too, needing cpr for roflmao....but maybe this isn't covered under my plan either

    check out no vent on

    :stone :imbar
  5. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heart of texas

    cool stuffins

    Keep it in the short grass yall
  6. by   zudy
    :roll :roll :roll Thanks for the laughs!!!! I used to work at that hospital!!!!

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