Hi there folks! Just sitting here in front of the boob tube pondering the things that REALLY help to make a trip to the ER a great experience...
1. Know that when you walk in that we care, just not that much.
2. If you can talk, u can beathe.
3. If you can scream you can breathe really well.
4. If you can scream, swear and hit the staff you can breathe better than most everyone.
5. Every patient deserves some risperdal every once in a while; share with your nurse!
6. Your "need" for water now is not an emergency; have youever not peed in 8 hrs. when youhad togo 3 hrs. ago?
7. Unless you are in trendelenberg, on 5 drips, and on a vent youaren't sick.
8. BRING YOUR SHOES!!! 'nuff said.
9. If you have spent X yrs. not parenting your child, a psych eval is not gonna help.
10. DO NOT get angered with the staff if we parent your child when you do not. The ER is not Roper Room, a playground or a party. The carts are not filled with toys, and it is not my job to "entertain". The staff runs like banshees; not the visitors/patients. Period.
11. Do not allow children to crawl on floors; see #8. Do you have any IDEA what's on the floor?!? I don't even wear my work shoes in MY HOUSE!
12. The ER is not the perfect place to have a family meal.
13. If you scream/swear on the phone, I will hang up.
13. Ifyou scream/swear in person, I will have you removed.
14. Attitude to staff does not equal speed with which we work.
15. Previous medical history/diagnosises do not mean your skin tear is an emergency.
16. I don't care what your neighbor said or who you know.
17. I don't care what you read on the internet.
18. If you have an X hour drive back to the city, and could have been there by now you should have left. Oh, and you would still be in the waiting room tomorrow.
19. You will not dehydrate for not having a drink in 2 hrs., esp. if you have an IV.
20. NO you cannot eat before surgery.
21. NO you cannot eat before going to the GI lab.
22. Taking the O2 mask off will not help you breathe better.
23. SHUT UP and breathe your neb!
24. NO I CAN'T LOOK AT YOUR MOLE!
25. A little blood does not equal instant death, as a lady partsl bleed does not equal hemmorhaging.
26. When you cut yourself with anything, that's what adipose tissue is SUPPOSED to look like.
27. The ER is not a pcp. Go see the guy once in a whie, will ya?
28. But we really do care, HONEST!
