Modern Medicine

[WashYaHands]

Modern medicine has come up with some great new stuff to make life easier:

St. Mom's Wort

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers

unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen

Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the

memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til

they moved out.

Peptobimbo

Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening

out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q., causing

enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge

to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics

When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades,

freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin

Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,

"You make me want to be a better person... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration

of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all

When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so

severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by

Dr. Laura.

Jack Asspirin

Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,

anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share

their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin

Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the,

"Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamet

When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on

him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Men-Gay

A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify who to cross off the

dating pool.

[Brownms46]

These are great...thanks...