1. Q. What does HMO stand for?
    A. This is actually a variation of the phrase "HEY MOE." Its roots
    go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who
    discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his
    foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes.

    Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I
    A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer
    will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. These
    doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer
    accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer
    participating in the plan! But don't worry; the remaining doctor who is
    still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a
    half-day's drive away and has a diploma from a Third World Country.

    Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
    A. No. Only those you need.

    Q. Can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
    A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.

    Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
    A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.

    Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
    brand. I tried the Generic Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.
    What should I do?
    A. Poke yourself in the eyes.

    Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
    A. You really shouldn't do that.

    Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle
    my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant
    right in his office?
    A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $15
    co-payment, there's no harm in giving him a shot at it.

    Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
    A. No. But if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then
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    About Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN Guide

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  3. by   nowplayingEDRN
    Hehehehehehehehehe.......pitifully true though.....:chuckle
    Thanks for the laugh, Steph!