HELPFUL HINTS---kinda

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Sick of reading all of those helpful hints? Here's some you can really use---

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink. (Yuk)

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button. (Now how many of us hit that button :) )

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. (Or afraid to let that little squeaker go :imbar )

7. Have a bad toothache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about that toothache.

Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are: you need only 2 tools--WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it moves and it shouldn't, then use the duct tape. (or better yet all that hospital tape you have stored up at home that you have emptied out of your pockets)

The 5 most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right." (preferably spoken by your other half)

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. (NEVER a truer statement has ever been written)

Never pass up an opportunity to go potty. (especially if you're a nurse)

If you woke up breathing, CONGRATULATIONS! You've been given another chance. (I can't figure out if this is good or not sometimes)

And finally....Be very very good to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan!

:p These are good reminders if you've heard them already....