Diet Misconceptions.... (jokes)

[Brian, ASN, RN]

Diet Misconceptions....

>

> Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this

> true?

>

> A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't

> waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your

> heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend

> the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a

> nap.

>

> Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

>

> A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and

> corn. And what are these?vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an

> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?

> Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy

> vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily

> allowance of vegetable slop.

>

> Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

>

> A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we

> all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three

> categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and

> wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements,

> so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a

> beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

>

> Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

>

> A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to

> one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

>

> Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

> exercise program?

>

> A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain - Good.

>

> Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

>

> A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If

> you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

>

> Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

>

> A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In

> fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad

> for you?

>

> Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

>

> A: Thicker gravy.

>

> Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

> middle?

>

> A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

> should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

>

> Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

>

> A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It's the best feel

> good food around!

>

> I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about

> food and diets.

>

[JonRN]

My philosophy exactly. I have been on this diet for years, but one thing I don't understand is: How did I get this great big stomach since I haven't done a sit-up since leaving the Army. Maybe I did too many then?

[ERNurse752, RN]

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I have some new excuses!!!!!!!!

[RNIAM, BSN, RN]

lol..too funny!