" Doctor" stories

  1. Subject: Doctors have stories, too...

    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife is going to have her baby in the
    cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
    began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there are several
    cabs and I was in the wrong one.
    At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
    slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
    instructed. "Yes, they used to be," the patient said sadly.
    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
    husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction. Not more than five
    minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had
    died of a "massive internal fart."
    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I
    placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right
    eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
    Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
    couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that
    he had done exactly what I had asked. He was standing there with both his
    eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
    informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
    "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new
    one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!"
    The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn't
    see; the man had over fifty patches on his body. Now the instructions include
    removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
    And you always wondered why instructions always seemed to state the obvious!
    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have
    you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered, "Why,
    not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
    I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast
    this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem
    to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly
    and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
    And of course, the best is saved for last a lady walked into a pharmacy and
    spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, "Do you have Viagra?" "Yes," he answered.
    She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. "Can you get it over the
    counter?" she asked. "I can, if I take two," he answered.
    __________________________________________________ __
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    About NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN Moderator

    Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 27,524; Likes: 13,739
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  3. by   TriciaRN
    I was laughing so hard at some of these.... Massive internal fart, rofl! Amazing how funny life can be sometimes.

    Thanks for sharing.
  4. by   Y2KRN
    Loved these, thanks for the laugh! The KY one was vintage!!

  5. by   Ted
    Very funny! Needed a good chuckle!!

  6. by   misti_z
    Wonderful post, Thanks
  7. by   maryb
    LMAO - love these.

    My personal favorite doctor story....
    First, a little background. I worked at a hospital that had on staff an older physician (close to 70). Of course, all of his patients were 80+, seemed like. This physician was very caring and thoughtful. He always asked the nurse's opinions, and listened very carefully. And if he disagreed, explained why. In short, a RARE physician whom we all loved. His one flaw? ALL of his 80+ patients were "Full Codes". ALWAYS. If you had no intention of dying without a fight, he was your man. 3 hours codes were not unheard of.
    Our floor was a specialty unit with fairly frequent deaths. On the day in question, the patient in room 4 died. About an hour later, the deceased is still in his room, waiting for the funeral home. Dr. T arrives to visit his patient in room 5. He didn't often visit our floor, so wasn't as familiar with the numbering. He accidentally walked into 4, noted the patient wasn't breathing, screamed for a nurse, and began CPR. And I mean mouth-to-mouth while waiting for a nurse to arrive.
    Had to walk in, say "Uh.....this isn't your patient, he's already been pronounced.....we're just waiting on the funeral home."
    Have you ever seen a physician wash his OWN mouth out with liquid soap?
    LOL, thank God he was a good sport. After an initial look of utter horror, followed by the soap mouthwash, we all had a good laugh about it.....and his reputation grew. If you didn't want anyone to just let you go.....call Dr. T.
    I still laugh every time I think about walking into that room and seeing a doctor doing mouth-to-mouth. My how times have changed....
  8. by   Y2KRN
    LOL MaryB!!!! Thanks for sharing

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