Once in a while, a nurse is forced to push the Reset button and take a little time away from her career to reassess her goals and values. Here are some of the lessons the past two months have taught me about life, work, and the pursuit of contentment.
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As hard as it is to admit even now---two months after my career crashed and burned in a rather spectacular flameout that my former co-workers are reportedly still talking about---there's something to be said about the experience of it. (Much of it isn't printable.....but I digress.) I didn't enjoy this defining event one bit, and will never look back on that time with any fondness. But it was a turning point which forced me to hit the Reset button and examine what was good and true in my life, and what needed to be taken out to the curb with the other trash.
One of the lessons I've had to learn---again---is that without my mental and physical health, I have nothing. Many years ago when I stopped drinking, I found out very quickly that maintaining sobriety was the single most important task on my to-do list each and every day; now I know that I have to work at wellness with the same degree of care and attention.
I have to eat decently and comply with proper sleep hygiene; I have to do at least some physical activity on most days of the week and stay on my medications. And, I still have to see my doctor on a regular basis even though I'm no longer acutely ill. No more do I rebel against the discipline necessary to maintain my stability; I've come to accept it fully, along with the fact that my condition is chronic and will always require vigilance to prevent recurrences.
Another thing I've learned to value is my identity outside of work. My life may appear dull, even boring to many people, but in reality it is rich and varied, and it needs to be nurtured rather than left wilting on the vine, as it has for so many years. This means staying away from nursing jobs that demand 24/7 responsibility! I am too old internally for such things now; I've been there, done that, got the crow's-feet to prove it. And somewhat surprisingly---to me at least---I've lost the competitiveness that drove me to achieve more, earn more, be more.
I'm a good nurse, as well as a fairly decent wife, mother, grandmother, writer, and friend. I am also a child of God. What more do I need to be content with my lot in life? There is so much to be treasured in the happy shouts of a much-loved grandchild as he spots me getting out of the car in front of his house.....so much to appreciate on a summer's evening shared with family and friends.....so many things to delight in as the flowers open themselves to the sun and the soul opens itself to the beauty that awaits us in abundance.....if we will only stop the busyness of our lives long enough to notice and savor it.
And, I've had to realize that as reluctant as I am to acknowledge my limitations, I must accept the fact of their existence. Everybody has at least a few. Mine are just a little more, well, limiting in some ways. I cannot handle a job that requires me to remember literally hundreds of minuscule details at one time. I'm easily distracted and more easily frustrated. I often have trouble focusing when I most need to do so. I'm prone to extreme mood swings that make it difficult to conceal my mental illness. I become agitated when dealing with large crowds or loud noise. And I tend to fall apart under prolonged stress.
But even with those constraints, there is much I CAN do in order to contribute to the world beyond my own front yard. I can still work. I can paint word pictures that describe in vivid colors what I see and hear, and I can share them with others. Best of all, I can look at my four beautiful grown children and their families, and know that the good things I gave them will be passed on to generations yet to come.
In the words of a favorite verse from the book of Ecclesiastes: to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven. A time of war, and a time of peace; a time to dance, and a time to mourn; a time to laugh, and a time to weep; a time to kill.......and a time to heal.
