Nurse Shorts...


Patient: 'Give me a kiss, nurse.'

Nurse: 'No.'

Patient: 'Please give me a kiss, nurse.'

Nurse: 'Certainly not!'

Patient: 'Go on, nurse, kiss me!'

Nurse: 'No, sir - and I'm not even supposed to be in bed with you.'

Pretty young nurse: 'Doctor, every time I take this young man's pulse it gets much faster. Should I give him a sedative or something?'

Doctor: 'No. Just give him a blindfold.'

Handsome young man, from behind a screen: I've taken all my clothes off, nurse. Where shall I put them?'

Young nurse: 'On top of mine.'

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. Everytime the young nurse came in, she would say in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?!"

Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in and picked up the urine bottle. She looks at it and says, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatches the bottle out of her hand, drinks its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."


Q: What's the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?

A: If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it'll probably stop whining.


Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.


Q: What's the difference between a nurse and a nun?

A: A nun only serves one God.


691 Posts

Specializes in Clinical Risk Management.


Thanks Betts, that made me laugh!


Specializes in GI,Rehab, Ortho/Neuro. Has 20 years experience.

you always give a lift with your posts. Thanks:roll

micro, RN

1,173 Posts

the apple juice one.....

my sense of humour.......

:-) :-/ :-)

Specializes in ER, ICU, L&D, OR.

Howdy Yall

from deep in the heart of texas

We all need a little humour, whenever,however,wherever we can

keep it in the short grass yall


Loved the one about nuns and nurses....still laughing...must remember that one.



1,244 Posts

:rotfl: :roll BWAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! :roll :rotfl:

Gee, thanks, I needed that!!

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