Nurse: "I hate it here." & has given me doubts!

bluemartian, BSN · Jan 28, 2011

Sounds like they are holier than thou, I cant stand hearingwhen nurses are judgemental about who they are caring for

kacefaceRN · Jan 28, 2011

I don't think it it's fair to judge those nurses as "holier than thou" for expressing their honest opinions about their work. As they stated, they entered the field with certain expectations which were then left unfulfilled. I can understand why those nurses are frustrated. It is heartbreaking to know that an innocent child is going to get sent home with a mom who showed up in labor while high on cocaine, simply because there is not enough space in the foster care system or because child abuse "hasn't happened" yet. How upsetting is it to know that a baby is getting sent home with a father who punched a hole in the wall of the hospital because he was having an "emotional moment?" I hope his child never does anything to make his father too emotional.

While I think it is admirable to be empathetic to all patients and to try to refrain from judgment, sometimes those patients are behaving in ways that you know will endanger their children. Should we respect those choices because that is what the patient wants?

We will never know all that has happened in a patient's life and all the troubles they have faced that led them to the path they are on. So yes, offer support and empathy for that patient and do your best to meet their needs, but also call the social worker and get that patient involved with CPS. In the end, it is for the good of the entire family.

So to answer the OP, how do you deal? Try to go home every day knowing that you were a good nurse to that family. And if it's at the point that you can't be the best nurse to that mom or dad, be a great nurse to that baby. Sometimes you'll go home and hate all of humanity and sometimes you'll meet a family that makes you proud to be a nurse. Vent to your nursing friends, treat yourself to dinner, and promise yourself that when you have a family, you will make sure your home is filled with love.

etaoinshrdluRN · Jan 28, 2011

Regardless of how functional or dysfunctional people are, they will continue to have babies. Working L and D means you have at least half a chance to give them help at a vulnerable time. Not everyone will want or respond to that help, but so what; you have the opportunity.

When I was pregnant myself, you wouldn't believe the people who told me to "get your sleep and let the nursery take care of the baby." Personally, I think rooming in is the way to go, and would try to encourage it as much as I could. Same for breastfeeding (a proven winner) and not circumcising (Jury refuses to release a verdict on the value of that one). Yet people, for whatever reason, still make choices counter to evidence-based recommendations. You'll get that everywhere. It's a nurse's job to try to help, not to pass judgment (at least not vocally).

FWIW, I gave birth to my first live child after 6 total pregnancies, including a stillbirth, and a very difficult pregnancy. Did I have the blues? yes. Did it feel unreal? Yes. Was I flooded with maternal joy? I did not dare feel joy until perhaps 4 weeks later, when my baby smiled at me for the first time. There is no telling why a mother reacts the way she does.

If you can handle patient choices, problems and differences, go for it.

bagladyrn, RN · Jan 28, 2011

Today a nurse said that she "hates" working in the L&D/Post Partum area, because of the fact that not every Mom even "cares" about her baby. She's trying to switch over to another department, but there aren't any new openings. She doesn't like how a labor is supposed to be such a joyous occasion, yet there are many Moms who are "druggies", and Dads who are druggies as well. While she was talking, another nurse joined in on the conversation, and agreed with what she was saying. THEN ANOTHER NURSE AGREED! The point is, all three expressed their disinterest in working in L&D/Post Partum, and all said that they thought that it would be different than what they are experiencing now. I had an interest in working in L&D, but I can't deal with this either...it would really break my heart!
I know you need to "toughen up", and "deal with life", but it's very disheartening to wake up, and realize that not every Mom actually has the same care for her baby.
How do you guys deal with this?

I see from your profile that you are still a student, so I'm going to try to say this as gently as possible. Please don't consider this a "slam".

If you are only interested in dealing with "nice" people there are no areas of nursing I can think of where you won't be disillusioned.

Yes there are mothers who for whatever reason (we really can't know their story) fail to bond with their infants. Our job then becomes to assess, encourage, and if possible to place safeguards - SS consults, informing their followup care, etc. No it doesn't always work, and yes it can be heartbreaking but our job is to try.

There are parents for whom the pull of the drugs is stronger than any other force in their life. Again our job is to provide the opportunities for a positive change, whether or not they choose to partake and to mitigate the effects on the baby as much as possible.

On OB there will be other tragedies - demises, birth defects, maternal deaths and injuries. It is a part of the whole and the part of the job where you are most needed.

Are there days and patients where I feel negative and hopeless and express these thoughts to my coworkers? Of course! And the venting helps me find the means to get back out there and do it some more. Have I had patients I really dislike and feel negatively towards? Yes again because I'm only human. Part of self awareness demands that I recognize this and do not let it affect the care I give those patients.

Much of this will become clear once you have some experience so don't let the venting of others discourage you from nursing, just open your eyes a little and realize that it's not all going to be sunshine and rainbows and lollipops, but it is still worth every minute you put into it.

Popwhizbangz, LPN · Jan 29, 2011

Part of nursing - both functioning and coping - is learning, somehow, to work the best you can with the cards your'e dealt. Patients can be less than perfect, so can coworkers, bosses, institutions, the entire system, humanity , life. I try to focus on doing the best I can, being the best I can - that's where I can accomplish the most - and try to let go of all that other stuff where I have much less power. Otherwise you tend to tear yourself apart or get bitter, cynical, mean. Hang in there, don't give up, and you'll find your place, whether others around you do so or not. :redbeathe

xInspiredx · Jan 29, 2011

^Thank you all for the replies!

I guess it just took me by surprise because of the word "hate", and the way she said that word. She honestly looked so distressed and disturbed.

I know that working in a labor & delivery isn't rainbows and butterflies, but the process of bringing a baby to this world is so symbolic. I'm not trying to judge anyone, but perhaps I am just too sentimental for this particular department. I can deal with the unstable state of the elderly or any other age group, but a baby is the process of a whole new beginning. These are just my opinions though, since we all feel differently about this. Yes we can educate the mothers and fathers, but education is not always enough. We can provide them so many resources, yet there's no guarantee that they will actually take advantage of them.

I don't mean to sound so bitter by the way...

enigmaticorange · Jan 29, 2011

The first time I gave birth; I was 17. My boyfriend at the time (now my husband) was also there. I was treated HORRIBLY by both nurses. It was an uncomplicated delivery and im not even sure why two nurses needed to be there, allowing my entire family in the room while I asked repeatedly for privacy. They let my grandmother, MIL, father, and sister in the room while my grandmother was repeatedly telling me I was "too young to have a baby". Pain control seemed to be removed as an option for me. Fast forward 4 years and my boyfriend was then my husband, and I was an apparently acceptable age of 21. One nurse, only husband and I in the room, nice dark room, epidural offered right away. It was an amazing experience.

I decided to become a nurse after this experience, seeing how much difference the attitude of a a nurse can make in patient care and attitude. The first nurses had decided I was some scrubby white trash who was knocked up.

Today, I am preggo with #3, a cardiac nurse, and still with my husband. Something tells me that epidural will come just as quick (if not more quickly) this time.