Please Don't Judge Patients

[NurseLife88]

Its not easy to be a nurse, nor is it easy to be human at that. We make mistakes. We have feelings. We have opinions. And we also have judgements because thats human nature. But we are nurses. We should strive for excellence in health and it is our job and duty to do. So although after 10 hours on shift we may be tired, irritated, frustrated, and quite possibly stewing over the judgements we have made about this patient or that patient. I believe as nurses we can rise to the challenge of trying not to judge our patients. It is not easy and of course we may catch ourselves doing it, but in the moments we do catch ourselves lets try to just take a step back, breathe, and remember we are all imperfect humans. Plus...it never hurts to try.

Last night was a rough one. As I attempted to lay a patient down for the 15th time I slowly found myself in a state of total irritation. Thinking in my head why does she keep doing this? I swear this only happens to me! Ok, now she is doing it on purpose! And lastly I found myself thinking wth is wrong with you?!? But as slowly as the irritation came on it quickly subsided when i heard her say..."Im sorry i cant sleep, my brain wont."

This stopped me from what i was doing as I was reminded of why i was there. I was there bc she needed help, because she needed to be safe and well. I was there to do a job, not to judge her and wonder almost aloud what was "wrong" with her. I took a moment, we sat down, we watched TV, we talked about why her brain wont work. She smiled and laughed for no reason...so did I. After an hour, guess who was ready for bed? After doing the bedtime routine for the umpteenth time I found myself alone and in silence.

But I also found myself with a new way of thinking and the simple way of thinking can change so much for so many. Because as nurses our job is to provide care to people during what is likely some of the most difficult and trying times of their lives. We also tend to major catalyst in the way someone is cared for. We are all human and during rough times we may not always be at our finest moments or remember how much our small actions and thoughts affect the way we treat others and reflect how we feel towards them. We must remember this about our patients always but we must also remember this when it comes to our fellow nurses and all humans alike.

When you see the man yelling at all the staff down the hall and you think to yourself geez what a grumpy old man. Or when your brain injured client ask you the same question 13 times in 5 minutes, you think omg why do keep asking the same question?!? Or when you never seem to see the parents of that 4 year old peds patient and think to yourself, I would never leave my kid alone in the hospital. Well during these moments remember to stop, take a breath and not judge. Maybe that old man knows he is dying and is having a difficult time coping. Maybe that brain injured client didn't ask to be hit by a drunk driver and spend the rest of her life permanently confused. And maybe that parent you never see is struggling to work full time and provide for the other 3 children still at home.

In times of sadness, illness, life changes, and everything in between let's all stop to remember our patients are only human, just as we all our. Our job is not to judge those whom we don't know, but to heal our patients and provide them with care and comfort during times of distress or need. Sometimes a simple smile or words of encouragement go far beyond what you know. And sometimes when we open our eyes just a little wider we learn to accept the fault of being human and we also allow ourselves to see our patients as they truly are...not as just another patient but as a person.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

It's not about having sympathy or empathy for other people. Nor is about making excuses for the people we treat. It's about understanding the fallibility of humans. None of us are perfect including our patients. We all make choices...one of them being to judge other people on the small part of them or their lives we see. But It seems I can't make a simple comment without it turning into a debate. I respect others opinions without being rude or judgemental just think it would be nice if everyone was afforded that same opportunity.

I've read the thread, and haven't seen anyone "eating you alive", being rude or nasty to you. Nor have I seen you respecting others' opinions without being rude or judgmental. You seem plenty judgmental about your fellow nurses. If you're going to give yourself a halo for "not being rude or judgmental", please apply that lack of rudeness and judgement to your colleagues as well as your patients.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

I just don't understand what you are saying. Don't judge them but we are human & will judge people. Don't you think our patients judge us? So just because we become nurses we should stop judging people? Doctor's judge, police officers judge, fire fighters judge. Because they are all human. When we become nurses we don't become angels or superhuman. It is just a career & we still judge people.

You were making excuses for the patient. Saying it was ok as to why that woman attacked you. I don't care what a person's history is, it's never ok to be violent towards another person.

You don't have to defend your position but you came onto the Internet with your opinion, you shouldn't be surprised (or offended) that other nurses feel differently.

So you don't judge anyone, ever? I find that hard to believe. Everyone does it, consciously or not. Do you have friends? If you do you judged them & thought about if you wanted to be friends with them.

I think the OP does plenty of judging -- she judges her fellow nurses rather than her patients. I suppose that makes it OK.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I think the OP does plenty of judging -- she judges her fellow nurses rather than her patients. I suppose that makes it OK.

Lol. Well as long as the patients don't get judged but everyone else can. Because the patients deserve it more than anyone else. What if a fellow nurse was a patient?? Would she judge them? OoOoOoO!

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I think it's important to stay pleasantly detached with patients. Detachment is highly valued in many spiritual practices. It allows one to carry out necessary duties without being negatively affected. Ultimately, it benefits you.

I'll see colleagues rant and rail about all the social ills, bad behavior, abuse of the system, annoying frequent flyers, ect. I say, why allow any of this to disturb my peace of mind?

I think for nurses even though we try to stay detached we are overworked & burnt out so something that shouldn't bother us or not let affect us, does. I'm not saying this is true for every nurse. I know I've let patients get under my skin but I have a short fuse so that's probably why.

[Susie2310]

Great post OP - I hope it gets lots of views, and the only thing I would add is: "Please let's remember to not judge patients families either." And before people jump in to tell us for the umpteenth time how unreasonable some patients and family members are, let's remember that's not the majority of patients and family members. Most patients/family members are simply doing the best they can under very stressful circumstances. Making the effort to put ourselves in their places: sick, scared, often not knowing what's going on, having to make important health care decisions hurriedly with limited information - all this is hard enough when the care provided is caring and of high quality, let alone when the nurse provides care without even introducing him/her self with his/her name band turned backwards, or when the family member (who knows the patient and their medical history well, and can recognize they are likely hypoglycemic right now) requests something to eat for the patient because they get hypoglycemic and haven't eaten since before they came to the ER yesterday afternoon and it's now 1 pm the following day, and they are rebuffed by the nurse covering for the patient's nurse's lunch break with the words: "A message was sent to the doctor and we don't have orders yet so you just have to wait" (our actual experience, and in the meantime the nurse hasn't even come to check on the patient or check their blood glucose, and no, there were no contraindications to my family member eating; the doctor had just forgotten to order the meals).

No, you don't have to be called to be a nurse, as is so often spoken on this forum, but it goes a long way if you can summon some patience and kindness towards patients and their families. Some nurses may not consider it important if they are caring, but to patients and their family members it is very important. When patients speak of the quality of the care they received, how caring (or not) the nurses/doctors/other staff are is always important along with their competence.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Great post, and the only thing I would add is: "Please let's remember to not judge patients families either." And before people jump in to tell us for the umpteenth time how unreasonable some patients and family members are, let's remember that's not the majority of patients and family members. Most patients/family members are simply doing the best they can under very stressful circumstances. Making the effort to put ourselves in their places: sick, scared, often not knowing what's going on, having to make important health care decisions hurriedly with limited information - all this is hard enough when the care provided is caring and of high quality, let alone when the nurse provides care without even introducing him/her self with his/her name band turned backwards, or when the family member (who knows the patient and their medical history well, and can recognize they are likely hypoglycemic right now) requests something to eat for the patient because they get hypoglycemic and haven't eaten since before they came to the ER yesterday afternoon and it's now 1 pm the following day, and they are rebuffed by the nurse covering for the patient's nurse's lunch break with the words: "A message was sent to the doctor and we don't have orders yet so you just have to wait" (our actual experience, and in the meantime the nurse hasn't even come to check on the patient or check their blood glucose, and no, there were no contraindications to my family member eating; the doctor had just forgotten to order the meals).

No, you don't have to be called to be a nurse, as is so often spoken on this forum, but it goes a long way if you can summon some patience and kindness towards patients and their families. Some nurses may not consider it important if they are caring, but to patients and their family members it is very important. When patients speak of the quality of the care they received, how caring (or not) the nurses/doctors/other staff are is always important along with their competence.

I'm sure we all try to treat both the patients & their families the same (with respect/kindness/etc). But when I'm getting treated like a waitress by the family, it's hard not to judge them. Or when I'm getting yelled at or harassed by a family member when it is uncalled for. I know it is a stressful time for them but I am not & will never be someone's punching bag.

[Susie2310]

I'm sure we all try to treat both the patients & their families the same (with respect/kindness/etc).

I'm sure we'd all like to believe that is true.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I'm sure we'd all like to believe that is true.

Key word is *try*. Nurses are human. They have bad days & let little things that shouldn't bother them, get to them. It's impossible to think that a nurse hasn't had a bad day that followed him/her to work & then exploded on someone or took it out on the wrong person. Or the stress from work can just be too much (you get a super sick patient & the family of another patient doesn't want to listen as to why you haven't spent the same amount of time with their loved one, all of the documentation & being short staffed). It's not right but like I said, we try & as long as we are trying that's great. It's the nurses who aren't trying that probably need a change of (work) venue or an extended vacation.

I just dont don't understand why nurses are put on this pedestal like we're gods/goddesses/angels when we are no different than any other person with a job. I would never expect someone to change just because of a job they got. It's just so weird to say "don't judge a patient" but out of work it's fine or it's ok to judge your coworkers. What if you judge someone & then they became your patient? Or what if you see a former patient outside of the hospital? We either shouldn't judge anyone at any time or it should be forgiven. Picking & choosing who we shouldn't judge is just weird. But I don't see anything wrong with judgments as long as it doesn't affect the care you give. When that happens that is the issue, not the judgment itself.

[Susie2310]

Key word is *try*. Nurses are human. They have bad days & let little things that shouldn't bother them, get to them. It's impossible to think that a nurse hasn't had a bad day that followed him/her to work & then exploded on someone or took it out on the wrong person. Or the stress from work can just be too much (you get a super sick patient & the family of another patient doesn't want to listen as to why you haven't spent the same amount of time with their loved one, all of the documentation & being short staffed). It's not right but like I said, we try & as long as we are trying that's great. It's the nurses who aren't trying that probably need a change of (work) venue.

Yes, and some nurses simply have uncaring attitudes towards patients and their families. We can always find a million reasons why. And to the patient or their family the effect is the same.

[Susie2310]

I just dont don't understand why nurses are put on this pedestal like we're gods/goddesses/angels when we are no different than any other person with a job. I would never expect someone to change just because of a job they got. It's just so weird to say "don't judge a patient" but out of work it's fine or it's ok to judge your coworkers.

The difference is that we are caring for very sick patients and are dealing with life and death. That's very different to if my plumber has a bad attitude/makes negative judgements about me when he comes to fix my garbage disposal. If my plumber judges me negatively it doesn't hurt me or otherwise affect me as long as he does his job properly. I don't believe most people would argue that it is unreasonable for patients and their family members to be negatively affected if their nurse is uncaring or otherwise makes negative judgements about them, especially if this affects the quality of the care the nurse gives.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Yes, and some nurses simply have uncaring attitudes towards patients and their families. We can always find a million reasons why. And to the patient or their family the effect is the same.

Those people who let their opinion take over their work aren't limited to nurses & aren't that common. They are the exception, not the rule.

The difference is that we are caring for very sick patients and are dealing with life and death. That's very different to if my plumber has a bad attitude/makes negative judgements about me when he comes to fix my garbage disposal. If my plumber judges me negatively it doesn't hurt me or otherwise affect me as long as he does his job properly. I don't believe most people would argue that it is unreasonable for patients and their family members to be negatively affected if their nurse is uncaring or otherwise makes negative judgements about them, especially if this affects the quality of the care the nurse gives.

Ok? Judging people shouldn't be ok in any context. Picking & choosing who to judge is just hypocritical. I have judged plenty of patients & family members but never let it change how I took care of anyone. We should really be discouraging acting on those judgments, not just making them. As there is no harm in judging someone but when those judgments are used against someone else.

Why is it ok for the patient/family to judge us & treat us poorly when we are responsible for the patient's life? Like I said, no one should judge anyone but that is not gonna happen or change. I don't care if someone judges me but if they treat me differently because of those judgments, there-in lies the problem. It doesn't matter if they are a nurse, doctor, plumber, hair stylist or bus driver. Treating someone differently because of their judgment is not ok but judging someone & still doing your job well has no ill effects. Hell, treating someone poorly because of a judgment at any time, not just at work is something no one should do. It doesn't matter if you are at work or not.

I can get onboard with the thinking that we shouldn't allow our judgments to cloud the care we give to our patients. But telling nurses not to judge at all is irrational & unrealistic.

At the end of the day nurses are just like everyone else. If I knew I would be put on a pedestal & judged for having an opinion, I would've chosen a different career!

[Susie2310]

Those people who let their opinion take over their work aren't limited to nurses & aren't that common. They are the exception, not the rule.

Ok? Judging people shouldn't be ok in any context. Picking & choosing who to judge is just hypocritical. I have judged plenty of patients & family members but never let it change how I took care of anyone. We should really be discouraging acting on those judgments, not just making them. As there is no harm in judging someone but when those judgments are used against someone else.

Why is it ok for the patient/family to judge us & treat us poorly when we are responsible for the patient's life? Like I said, no one should judge anyone but that is not gonna happen or change. I don't care if someone judges me but if they treat me differently because of those judgments, there-in lies the problem. It doesn't matter if they are a nurse, doctor, plumber, hair stylist or bus driver. Treating someone differently because of their judgment is not ok but judging someone & still doing your job well has no ill effects. Hell, treating someone poorly because of a judgment at any time, not just at work is something no one should do. It doesn't matter if you are at work or not.

At the end of the day nurses are just like everyone else. If I knew I would be put on a pedestal & judged for having an opinion, I would've chosen a different career!

I believe we should be making an effort to keep an open mind. Actually, it's not that difficult to temper our judgement. All it takes is some humility. Realizing we are only seeing a snapshot of our patients and their families lives and will never have enough information to understand the causes that have formed their behavior. And I would disagree that we can still give the same quality of care when we make negative judgements about patients, although of course we can perform tasks/interventions. I'm sure you feel it when people judge you negatively, even if their outward behavior towards you is quite civilized.