I am a new grad and have been working on a psych unit for 4 months. I like what i have been doing and I am actually pretty good at it, but night shift is destroying me. It began insidiously. First my mood started to get a little labile (i have bipolar disorder that 'was' fairly well controlled). Then I developed a mysterious stomach condition in which I was very nauseas for the first half of my day and would sometimes vomit and i lost most of my appetite. I lost about 10 lbs in a month with this. Then i started having trouble with tachycardia.. my heart rate currently rarely falls below 90, even when resting. I have chronic insomnia and have been using ambien for a long time before this job.. but i started needing 3x the dose i was used to taking. That eventually failed too and I now take seroquel and ambien. I had lab work done and my TSH is well above normal range. I started taking Prilosec for my stomach, which mostly alleviated the problem (although ive never had an acid reflux problem in my life except if i ate greasy foods like sausage). I did manage to gain most of the weight back (im generally low in my weight range so weight loss isn't healthy). My moods became more and more labile.. until it finally broke....
i called my nurse manager today to discuss day shift options.. and well..there are none. My unit is small and already smarting from the recent loss of another psych RN. I told her that i was growing depressed and that my physical health was declining. I tried to tell her that I understood her situation and cared about the unit. She cut me off and told me that i wasn't a good fit for the unit.
now, the dilemma:
Financially, I can technically afford not to work for about 6months (although i wouldnt do it). I am very destabilized to the point of suicidal ideation (i have no plans and know better) and having rage attacks.. i sleep for 12 hours..can barely get out of bed..cant clean..my appetite is low.. and i barely have the energy to feed and bathe myself. and im on the verge of tears most of the day. My psych team tried to petition me this weekend, but i did manage to squeeze past that one. so..not very prepared to go psych nursing! My psych doc said he would sign any papers i needed to document how emotionally inept i am =P. In actuality, my nursing judgment is intact; i am very rational, even though my emotion regulation is well..broken. technically, i could go back to work...but the stress might worsen my mental state.. but i feel like ill be practically unemployable and leave a unit i care about in dire straights if i leave.. but i might have already burned that bridge anyway.
aloevera, your job scares me =P no plans on relocating for now. My boyfriend is about to start his doctorate program at the university here. and my body is starting to feel better =)
My heart goes out to you! I have type II bipolar disorder and can't do nights. When I moved to NC and started a new job (as a medic) I was given a 3p-3a shift and within 2 weeks I was out of my mind. I had to go talk to management all hysterical and stressed out and they sent me to see their occupational med doctor who basically told me I was dishonest and needed to find another line of work because I shouldn't be doing this and that I was a deceitful jerk (what a f***ing a*****e). I thought I was going to have to be hospitalized but luckily Seroquel and few good nights' sleep fixed me up.
I finished nursing school in 2009 and it was and is incredibly hard to find a job especially when you can't do nights. I actually just got hired for my first full-time RN job (and in their initial offer they tried to get me to take nights even though I applied for days). Prior to that I was able to find part time work at a LTC and as an agency nurse. Agency is pretty cool but you never know if they'll have work for you. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you'll find something that's a better fit! It might not happen quickly but don't lose hope and know you aren't alone :)
inthesky
311 Posts
aloevera, your job scares me =P no plans on relocating for now. My boyfriend is about to start his doctorate program at the university here. and my body is starting to feel better =)