Night Shift and family issues

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I am having some serious issues regarding balancing night shift and family. I have worked nights a few times before, but never longer than 1.5 years. Currently, I am going on 2+ years of nights with no end in sight.

I recently switched jobs and specialties, and while it was stressful at first, I feel like I'm in a better situation overall, as I'm no longer stressing over some of the crap I had to deal with in the old job. So my professional life is great, but my family life still sucks.

My husband is in law school and I am the sole earner. He will not help clean the house or even pick up his own messes (he used to be a lot better at this). He blames school. My children won't clean up after themselves either, and it doesn't help that I'm usually awake when they're asleep as I can't cycle back onto a day schedule unless I have multiple days off.

I haven't made friends outside of work as we moved here for school, so my social life is pretty much nonexistant. I do spend some time with work friends, but we all have differing sleep schedules so it's hard to get together.

I love my job and I love my family (even though they are all being major butts) and I just can't seem to make this work. I've tried chore lists and taking away privileges (the playstation cord is in my dresser drawer) but I can't get any backup from my husband. Anyone been in a similar situation and have advice? If I was working days I'd at least be able to ensure that the kids help around the house.

Specializes in geriatrics, telemetry, ICU, admin.

Just another note-- your comment about your husband getting more self-centered is a huge relational red flag for which you need to get help soon. As I said, school is very destructive to relationships.

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Perinatal, Float.

Kate, your situation sounds so much like mine!! we moved to a new state for a new job for DH, it is very busy for him, he has even had to travel a couple times making it difficult to find child care at night, and the hospital is very small and when there are only 4 regular night shift people, how do you get that time off! I have 3 boys and I can really relate!

we did splurge on a house keeping service every 2 weeks and it helps, but it sure doesn't stay clean long! at least we have a moment of sanity twice a month. it is just a pain to pick up before they come (almost as much work if we didn't maintain well for two weeks in between) email me if you want to share gripes, ideas etc.

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I would go stay at a family members home for a few days or cheap hotel. Write a note stating: ON STRIKE. WILL RETURN WHEN HOUSE IS PICKED UP.

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Specializes in PICU, Nurse Educator, Clinical Research.

my sister once had a similar problem with her husband and kids (16 and 12 at the time, I believe). Can't remember exactly why it started, but she'd gone back to work after quasi-retiring from one career for a few years.

What she did was harsh, but it worked. She would buy the necessary items- food, laundry detergent, vacuum cleaner bags, paper towels- but she cooked meals for herself and did her own laundry- the kids and husband were on their own. She said the new rule was 'fend for yourself'. If they wouldn't help her by picking up after themselves, she wouldn't help by doing all the housekeeping chores she handled.

There was uncomplicated food they could make on their own, and laundry doesn't require an advanced degree. The kids got the point after running out of clean clothes (especially the teenage daughter). I think her husband ran out of socks and got hungry enough to get on the stick.

I think it only took 3 or 4 days for things to change. When they start getting messy these days, she asks if they'd like to fend for themselves again- everyone always declines.

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Specializes in Med-Surg.
BTW, DH has gotten to be a LOT more self-centered over the years in law school. I don't see that changing in the future, so that might be another "come to Jesus" moment (Tweety, are you from Texas? I used to hear that phrase a whole lot LOL)

Thanks!

Kate

Actually I was born in Texas but have lived primarily in the southeast, North Carolina, Georgia and Florida.

Good luck with everything. Sometimes we all need a "come to Jesus" reality check.

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