Night nurse, single mom needing a way out! Need nurses' opinion

[Runnergirl84]

Hi everyone! I have been a nurse for five years! I had a daughter who was ten months old when I started nursing school, worked part time through it and graduated top of my class. Got my BsN online while she was 3. So I feel like I can handle a lot!! I've worked nights now for five years. First year in subacute rehab, three and a half years as charge nurse on nights in a rehabilitation hospital. Thought I needed to get in the hospital, so finally got a position on a medical unit in the main hospital system where I live. There are only two other hospitals nearby one in this system and one in a different one. Needless to say it appears to be a highly coveted job which means though my body is not liking nights at all anymore my manager has informed me that no day shift opening is expected to be available any time soon. I started having trouble feeling bad physically, mentally, emotionally about 9 months ago. I thought it was just my job and that getting the almighty hospital job would solve my problem and I'd be fulfilled (ha!). I like bedside nursing most of the time, and at the hospital I have great coworkers usually, I like my patients, even the cranky ones. Even still, I feel as though the twelve hour shifts just drag. There's plenty to do but they seem to last double the time that I'm there. I now have to take trazadone 100 mg and Benadryl 50 mg to knock myself out everyday after work and on my nights off only fall asleep with the same dose of meds which leaves me feeling hungover the next day. I've never had trouble sleeping before this last 9mo. I emailed my manager and nothing soon will be available on my unit. I am a month away from being there 6months which is when I can apply internally for other positions within this system. But it's not a given I would get a different position. I don't feel like I can do even one more shift. Due to childcare reasons I need to do them 3 in a row. I need to be home for my child as she's more active in school and activities. I had an interview today with a new rehab center that said the job is mine if I want it. I physically feel so badly from the stress of nights. This job would be 7a-3p full time with every other weekend which sounds like a dream come true (funny how dreams are different when you're adulting). The facility told me they have some kinks to be worked out but I'm used to handling a lot and I actually miss the responsibilities of having to be resourceful (no Iv team, no lab service, no wound team or RT) so I know the shifts would be hard but rewarding and fly by. I feel somewhat like just a number in the hospital and totally replaceable. The only thing is... leaving the only hospital system without a full 6 months. I had hoped I could last a reasonable time on nights and when the time was right find the specialty I was interested in (ICU). But I physically don't feel I can even pull off another week of three 12s. I'm so tempted to take this job and kiss my "great" hospital job goodbye just for my health and happiness... home at night with my child who has done this night stuff shuffling back and forth for too long. I just need some nurse to nurse advice. Thanks in advance. No rude comments just looking for advice. I have worked so hard as a mom and nurse and am very conscientious and want to make the best decision but don't want to close doors for myself! Thanks for anyone that answers. ✌������

[Runnergirl84]

And for the record I'm truly disappointed in myself. I wouldn't have taken a job that I didn't think I could do if I anticipated feeling so badly like I do now. I'm a hard worker and I have dealt with so much and worked so hard to get where I am and have eternally exhausted since nursing school. I don't have a social life and feel isolated as a single mom and working nights I have little time to meet people. I'm usually to tired to worry about it. I do everything I can to make my daughters life good when I am off. I just don't know what the right decision is long term:( my family doesn't understand the ins and out of nursing but all know how much nights is affecting me negatively these days. It's allowed me to make a decent living as a single mom and take care of myself and daughter comfortably but I don't think nights is sustainable anymore. I hate to let my manager down as he chose to hire me over another applicant nearly six months ago. My eval went great. Should I maybe ask to stay on PRN? I don't know how to think things through anymore. My brain feels frazzled and the dread of having to stay up all night even one more time gives me terrible anxiety. I am normally very calm and never struggle with anxiety. Even went to doctor because I've been having heart palpitations trying to fall asleep and even at odd times during the day that are really a terrible feeling. Maybe I'm talking myself in the direction I am desiring but just need some affirmation! Thanks

[Avid reader]

I think your body is telling you what to do and now your daughter needs you more than ever. Email a resignation letter and detail the reasons for leaving in case you have to go back. That should cover you. Good luck and hope things work out. Don't miss your baby's life.

[Runnergirl84]

Thanks for your response! I am thinking of taking the day job!

[OodlesRN]

" Ifeel somewhat like just a number in the hospital and totally replaceable."

"I thought it was just my job and that getting the almighty hospital job would solve my problem and I'd be fulfilled (ha!)."[/size

Those two comments resonated with me so much. I've experienced that feeling too. I can relate to the struggle of your ideal ambitions vs the harsh disappointment of the actual nursing profession in practice. i.e. You're a fine a dozen even when you're working yourself to death there's little recognition.

I hope you choose to take the day shift elsewhere and take care of yourself first as well as your little girl. You're no good to anyone if your body's depleted and your family is suffering. Imho