Newborn death

[lpn1217]

Suffering loss as a professional for a baby who passed away at 36 hours at er.I did the pp care and knew the family from their previous birth experience. Did a home visit the next day,after the passing no cause of death . I have been a nurse for23 yrs, i accept that things happen however having been in ld/pp/newborn care this is my first personal lossof infant. I have grieved on and off,very little with other staff members.I went to the funeral,very difficult, but i am positive that it is nowhere near the loss the parnts feel.The prenatal course was totally wnl,as was the L/D/pp and newborn exam. So I am like did i miss something,/ i continue to do this job?Husband is supportive but I am not sure he gets it.I was holding the baby one day and the the next day i get a call that the baby died!!Even though this was not my child,i feel like i am going thru the stages of grief. How do i know if this over reacting or genuine sorrow that i must work thru??Any suggestions?

[Meerkat]

I'm so sorry! I am certain that you are indeed or will indeed go through the stages of grieving. This baby was important to you. You cared for him/her not just as a professional, but as family caregiver and no doubt a wonderful support to them. Grieve. This too shall pass. Your heart will heal and will find some kind of growth from this terribly painful experience that will make you an even better caregiver. And may I suggest that you persist in trying to learn the final cause of death, so that you can put your mind at ease, that it was nothing you did.

[ansley]

You know already that all was wnl- don"t blame any "mistake"- sometimes things just happen.. It hurts to get so close, but it is so healing for the people invovled (yes you are too now.). Best of luck.... ]

[kimrncnm, RN, CNM]

I am so sorry you are going through this, I am an LDRP nurse, we have had some sad things lately too.

Hugs,

Kim

[quiltncatch]

I've lost two babies in the past year. One was a baby who was born at home (no flames please, it's a legal choice here). The parents chose not to have an autopsy, but all signs pointed to a major cardiac defect. I had an anxiety attack every time I drove past their house for three months. The midwife and I had many conversations about it to support each other and the parents.

As a home health nurse, I just lost one of my babies to SIDS. Mom was medicated, sleeping with baby on belly, pillows, blankets, mom smoked......Yes I talked with her on several occasions about the situation but what bigger lesson is there than losing your 4 month old? I have a lot of support from my co-workers. Thats what I'd suggest, find others who have been through it too. It does get easier with time, lots of it.

Hugs to you.

[SmilingBluEyes]

I am so sorry about this. Heart-breaking. All of us know and have seen of stories like this one. It's never easy and you never get used to it. Just being geniune is the key----if you cry, it's ok. They know how sad this is. It is ok to cry w/them -----it's ok not to. Just be there anyway you can. There is no right thing to say except "I am so sorry".

[lpn1217]

Thanks to all who have replied. Each day does get better,i am sure it will be harde when they come for the 6wk pp visit.Moms TORCH was neg[we thought it would be]. We are awaiting the autopsy results,i think once i have answers maybe it will help.I do think that slowly it is making me a better nurse because i can empathize more. My husband says that i was due to have a loss/poor outcome and I was lucky it took so long.I greatly appreciate everyones support.