New position, new hospital; complained to manager about preceptorship. Did I do the right thing?

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

Hello! Would appreciate some feedback on this situation... 

Background: I am a nurse with 5 years of experience (majority is ICU experience & then was in pre/post/intra procedural - diagnostic+interventional  - in the Cath lab and in IR + I learned a tiny bit of scrub). I've only worked in 1 hospital before taking on the new position that I have now. RNs do not scrub in new hospital - only the Techs scrub in. Otherwise, I feel like the environment is familiar enough for me to catch on up on and learn from. Am enjoying the job overall. The team is really great and that really is the best part.... The people here have been super helpful, fun, funny, kind  & I am learning a lot! 

The only person I am having "issues" with is my current primary preceptor.. 

Primary preceptor has been a nurse approx 10-15 years with the majority of her experience being in the IR unit I am learning now. Primary preceptor reminds me during every case, every hour, that this not "cath lab" or "that other hospital" or "the ICU" and how I am inexperienced compared to her. I feel like I am doing something wrong 90% of the time. Primary preceptor interrupts me often, even when I ask politely that she give me a moment to do something important such as count the narcs before removing meds for our next procedure...  and even then her response is: "NO I am telling you because you NEED to know this." 

I have asked that she leave me notes/ write things down then - especially if its so immediate or important. I will absorb / pay attention to that much better and learn more efficiently vs trying to understand her chatter. Something about it being written down is more readily registered in my brain, anyway. Being talked at? Forget it.... In one ear and out the other UNLESS its super obvious and pressing and needs to happen NOW.... Primary preceptor refuses to write anything down. It is demanded that I sit & absorb all info and if I fail her response is "I told you this already!"

Another example: during the shift I will start charting on something as asked by primary preceptor, but then primary preceptor will suddenly log me out, look up something & review my charting, and then ask if I charted yet on XYZ things... all at once. In those moments I am confused and I will tell her that I am confused right then. She then looks at me irritated, sighs, and says that she'll just do XYZ herself. I've never experienced something like this before... like what the heck? I cannot sit down be quite and be "taught" while simultaneously & magically conjuring documentation on the computer that she just logged me out off... There's also no consistency with how she administers sedation, how she charts intra procedural cases, gives report, etc ..and then her feedback is that I am too random in my thinking and that I do not listen to her.

Oh, and Im just too hyper.

She's the only one who says that though. Others ask where that kind of comment from preceptor came from. Comment from preceptor started dropping only after admitting to her for having ADHD. 

Interestingly I feel like other nurses and tech are taking notice and are trying to help.... They make suggestions - and those suggestions make sense. Often its contradictory to what my preceptor tells me. 

I have worked various shifts with random other preceptors here and there and today was one of those days & days like today are better days.

The travel nurse I oriented under today has 30+ years experience & is a WEALTH of knowledge. I picked her brain / learned a lot from her stories. Travel nurse pointed out how I tend to "rush" and bounce around w/ tasks - even leaving those tasks incomplete on occasion. I admitted that I was struggling to understand the flow of things with this new job.... Travel nurse then mentioned that she believes she knows what the problem is. I suggest without naming any particular person that I feel like theres a preceptor related thing going on... and travel nurse immediately starts nodding her head, and tells me that she had a similar experience while she was on orientation. She offered time for me to speak to the unit manager - if I wanted to do that. I took that opportunity. I feel so much better...

I have been wanting to speak up. It's amazing actually to think about as I type this up - the travel nurse never guided my responses nor tried to just gossip/ rag on preceptor... she just listened with intention, allowed me the space to feel understood, acknowledged what I was saying, and replied to me very matter of fact. 

I have never complained about a preceptor before. It's a weird feeling but am honestly very uncomfortable doing things in the same fashion of my primary preceptor - its to the point of feeling like its unsafe practice. Primary preceptor spends more time socializing, riding my butt, and listening to hersef talk vs critically thinking & paying attention to our patients.  Favorite is when she rides my @$$ b/c we are short staffed and she wanted to get out and go home and be done 'on time'. 

While talking to the travel nurse I oriented under today and listening to her  feedback and I felt like "YES thats exactly it!/ that's happening now/ am I totally missing something, here?" ... really I am often left confused by primary preceptor... she is the only person who interrupts me this much, sighs this much, and tells me that I just don't get it this much, and restricts me from progressing this much... 

I am a person who tends to get "stuck in the weeds" on occasion. Ever since I admitted to having ADHD to my primary preceptor, my primary preceptor has adopted the phrase: "stop getting so distracted so much." ADHD has its downsides but also has some good qualities: I am VERY attentive to details (the struggle usually = prioritizing those details, and so there's just some extra work involved in developing that skill). My gut has not led me astray thus far. My gut is telling me that my preceptor practices in a way that involves withholding information, does not pay attention, and has very real potential for unsafe practice. I do not like this feeling. I struggle with wrapping my head around this situation...

Travel nurse lastly told me that my primary preceptor has an inferiority complex thing going on - followed by how orientation experience sounds very much the same even with 30+ years of experience - and how that primary preceptory is prob doing it on purpose cause it makes herself feel better or something..  But whats the purpose? Another co worker told me that it just creates energy for some people but I do not understand how or so? ...like sorry to ask such a stupid question but what does this all actually mean? I really do not get it ? 

Travel nurse also asked that I do not talk about this with staff members, and that if I were to do that, she would deny it.

I believe that the travel nurse here is truly being sincere,  helpful, discerning,... as are other staff members who have offered help, suggestions and advice outside of my primary preceptor 

 

[JKL33]

On 11/18/2020 at 8:48 PM, BeatsPerMinute said:

Travel nurse lastly told me that my primary preceptor has an inferiority complex thing going on - followed by how orientation experience sounds very much the same even with 30+ years of experience - and how that primary preceptory is prob doing it on purpose cause it makes herself feel better or something..  But whats the purpose? Another co worker told me that it just creates energy for some people but I do not understand how or so? ...like sorry to ask such a stupid question but what does this all actually mean? I really do not get it ? 

It's very simple. (Some) people who lack self-esteem or confidence or just don't feel good about themselves for some reason often feel better if they can make others appear less-than. In their own minds they are able to then tell themselves that they are better than so-and-so, who is not good. This mechanism allows them to feel better than others, which is about as close as they can get to actually independently feeling good about themselves. They don't truly feel good, but they feel as good as they know how to feel, having told themselves that they're much better someone else.

You've written quite a bit about the scenario and the details of it. A little bit of "tough love" or whatever you want to call it:

This situation is temporary. It is not worth the time and focus you have already given it. It is distracting you from focusing on the matters at hand. That is understandable and it has bombed many an orientation, I'm sure, since it is hard to learn and hard to focus with this kind of thing going on. But one way or another you need to move forward.

It might be good if you can have a switch in primary preceptors, but these comments pertain to a scenario were you continue to be matched with her:

Take everything one step at a time and stay as neutral as humanly possible. If you were documenting and she logs you out and then asks if you charted xyz, then with a completely neutral demeanor you would say something like, "I'm in the process of documenting and will be completing it when I'm logged back in." What you don't do is waste 30 seconds with an internal dialogue of "Well, duh. How do you think I'm supposed to document when you just logged me out. What a freak. She is just messing with me now and nitpicking everything I do...." Just SKIP THAT. Give a neutral answer and move on.

A tack with people who constantly talk at someone who is trying to focus on something is to stop what you are doing when they are talking and give them your full attention. This is fairly effective due to the immediate feedback they receive. If they are mostly quiet with only a small interjection here and there, you keep focusing/doing. If they start yapping, you stop and listen.

It is hard to learn a new role, but it's even worse if the learner begins to focus on all the reasons why they probably can't learn. You need to do everything in your power to not let your focus become these things about her that are irking you. You don't have any more time or energy to waste being irked by what she does or wondering why she does it or needing validation from anyone else that she isn't a very good preceptor. You need to focus on you.