New nurse wondering if it's okay to attend patient funeral.

[new_oncologyRN]

Hi all. I just graduated in May this year and started working on a busy oncology floor. I'm still on orientation and have a few weeks left. I've had a few patient deaths and it has been hard for me. I get really attached to my patient's and their families. Today I got the news that one of my patients died (I didn't work today) and it's been especially hard. I got really close with him and his family and when I worked on Sunday night I knew it would be soon for him but didn't think it would be this soon. A coworker called me today and said that my patient's son came up to the floor and asked if someone could contact me and let me know the news. Now I'm wondering if it is appropriate for me to attend the funeral. I know my other coworkers who have cared for him are not going since it is about a hour away and most do not attend funerals of patients. I just feel like I need that closer and I think it would be important to the family that I was there. I feel like if my coworkers find out I went they will think it's ridiculous since I'm so new. Any opinions and thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

[Lizzie21]

I would suggest that you go, especially if you were close to the patient and their family. It would mean a lot to them and it would offer you closure as well. it also shows the family how supportive you are. I think that you do a wonderful job working in oncology. i know that it's a hard floor to work on with the amount of deaths that can happen on the unit and at home. I applaud you and how amazing your job is!! :)

[shamanursecal]

I have done this before. It does show the family that you cared.

THey teach you in school that when a patient leaves your care that the associaton is over and that you should not seek friendship,love, etc. with the patient.

There are times however when you do make friends or show respect for that person.

I think you should go.

[CrufflerJJ, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

Hi all. I just graduated in May this year and started working on a busy oncology floor. I'm still on orientation and have a few weeks left. I've had a few patient deaths and it has been hard for me. I get really attached to my patient's and their families. Today I got the news that one of my patients died (I didn't work today) and it's been especially hard. I got really close with him and his family and when I worked on Sunday night I knew it would be soon for him but didn't think it would be this soon. A coworker called me today and said that my patient's son came up to the floor and asked if someone could contact me and let me know the news. Now I'm wondering if it is appropriate for me to attend the funeral. I know my other coworkers who have cared for him are not going since it is about a hour away and most do not attend funerals of patients. I just feel like I need that closer and I think it would be important to the family that I was there. I feel like if my coworkers find out I went they will think it's ridiculous since I'm so new. Any opinions and thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

Follow your heart. The fact that the son wanted you to know of his father's passing should be a strong hint that they would value your presence at the funeral. It is perfectly appropriate. I've attended a couple funerals in the past year, and it's only been a good thing.

As you mentioned, attending the funeral may be a valuable part of YOUR grieving process (as a "closer").

Don't worry about your coworker's feelings - it's obvious that both you and the pt's family want you to be there.

Follow your heart. Say goodbye, in person.